I WAS BURNT š„ OUT...hereās what I did (+ am doing) about it...
In todayās post weāll chat thruā¦
ā Friendly REMINDER- our FIRST SISTERHOOD RETREAT is OPEN FOR ENROLLMENT!
ā” Opening up about my walk with burnout
ā¢ Sharing 5 things Iāve been doing (+ still am!) to live beyond burnout.
LETāS DIVE IN. š¤
Todayās conversation is so uncomfy to have and to admit but itās also SO FREAKING NECESSARY. Weāre talking burnout and more specifically Iām gonna walk you thru some vulnerable pieces of my battle with burnout + recovery and all the things Iāve been doing behind the scenesā¦but before I get to that I want to remind you about the VERY FIRST SISTERHOOD RETREAT. Yes. Weāre having a RETREAT yaāll. Itās something YOU have been asking for and weāre making it happen in a very intimate way with 10 women and a weekend full of workshops, breath work, cold plunges, yoga, beach walks, and just a lot of girl time. My heart is for you to walk away with a renewed sense of purpose, an aligned connection to yourself, and a focused path to make progress towards her when you get home. If youāre looking for a girls weekend meets self care meets igniting a FIRE INSIDE OF YOU to make moves in your life + get after those things that have been on your heartā¦youāve got to hurry up and grab a spot for our VERY FIRST SISTERHOOD RETREAT. Itās here in Tampa FL, August 30th - Sept 2nd and all the details + link to grab your spot are on my website - www.inspirebeautybritt.com/retreat OR you can DM me on Instagram with any qās and Iām happy to help. Just wanted to pop in and share that FIRST bc the spots are going to go and once the 10 fill up I wonāt have space until I announce the next retreat.
Okayā¦letās talk BURN OUT.
One of the top episodes of ALL TIME on the podcast is episode number 22 where we talked about SELF CARE STRATEGIES for BURNOUT. And itās not hard to see why yaāll are moved to press play on an episode like that (or even this) - a lot of yaāll I connect with who listen in to the podcast share something in common - we have so much demanding for our time and attention. The loads you carry, the responsibilities you have, the endless to-do lists, the numerous roles you play, all of the people you take care of...and then pair that with the large amount of pressure we place on ourselves to do everything wellā¦Iām exhausted just thinking about it.
We live in a time when burn out is on the RISE yaāll. And bc itās been a hot minute since weāve touched the topic, I wanted to revisit the conversation with some reminders that Iām hoping help you walk away with some clarity about how freaking MUCH you are doing and how THAT might just point back to why youāre feeling really freaking tired, overwhelmed, or in full blown burnout. And not just clarity but I also want to get tangible, right? Bc I love being able to walk away from something Iām inspired by and actually DO something with it, ya know?
But real talk and a little back story. Everything Iām sharing with you has come from my trenches of facing burnout in my own journey. And this is hard to talk about. When I look back I can see times when the cycle of burnout has kind of taken of my life and my most recent bout with burnout was actually about the time this podcast started. Towards the tail end of working as a fitness coach in the MLM space i began facing debilitating burnout. I spent ten years building a business that was a freaking DREAM of mine yaāll. But the reality behind closed doors was that I was in tears most days. I was so freaking hard on myselfā¦like nothing was ever good enough. The goals felt like they never stopped. Every month in the particular company I partnered with, we started right back at ground zero. It created a 30 day hustle mentality and I never felt like I could come up for air or take a break. I pushed and pushed and left zero room for margin, vacations, time away, etc. I beat my body up bc it was a billboard for my business. And I got to a place where I couldnāt sleep at night but yet I was so freaking tired - mentally, emotionally, physically. I would get jaded and super resentful on the inside when on the outside what I truly wanted to do was build a thriving community where women didnāt do life alone. I would get sick every year in December as the year wound down and my body had had enough. And you guys Iām sharing all of this bc there were A LOT of red flags and signs.
But I was honestly really too proud to stop. And I was really freaking worried about what everyone else would think of me if I couldnāt ādo it allā (Manā¦weāll get to that today, bc this is a much needed convo).
And yaāll.. I had to claw my way out of burnout once I laid that business down. Like truthfully when this space began I was at the end of myself. And TBHā¦theyāre times when it feels like Iām STILL clawing my way out bc the body keeps score and IDK if this resonates, but itās almost EASIER for me to gravitate into burnout and stress bc as much as itās not healthy, it actually feels FAMILIAR for my body. Calm. Peace. Relaxation. Those are a little more foreign for a recovering hustle culture addict. But Iām learning that I donāt want burnout to rule my life. I donāt want exhausted and busy and overwhelmed and all the other things I shared to be my norm. I want to live a different way. So after facing this last round of extreme burnout Iāve been trying a lot of different things. Experimenting with a new pace and a new rhythm and I want to share what Iāve been doing with you in hopes that it speaks to the spaces of your life where youāve been hustling and running and going with no true end in sight.
So today is a little honest. A little vulnerable. And, like I said, what Iāve been doing in real time to battle the tendency to fall back into burnout patterns. Letās dive in. š¤
I TWEAKED MY PHYSICAL SELF CARE ROUTINE.
The first area that demanded my attention was how I was taking care of my body. Now. Hereās the thing. From the outside it probably looked like this was a solid space in my life. And it was. As a fitness coach I moved my body regularly. I was very in tune with my nutrition. I drank the water. I had the muscles. But from the inside, my body was a billboard for my business and so the way I treated her was as if she was a business partner. It wasnāt always love and kindness. There was a lot of expectation I set on myself to look a certain way. And to show up with very few breaks.
This. Is. Not. Healthy.
Part of my journey in this area is healing the relationship I have with my physical self care and my body. We talk about this in this space OFTEN and I probably wonāt shut up about it anytime soon, but movement is medicine my friends. Itās not something Iāll ever stop doing if I can help it bc itās so therapeutic for me and my favorite way to release + generate energy. The way I was moving before created MORE PRESSURE and MORE STRESS in my life and so now Iām looking at it almost all differently. - as a way to release the stress and love on my body. Itās a hard mindset flip and so itās the one Iām starting with bc I feel like you can relate with me on the pressure aspect when it comes to movement. But when we can look at our movement as a way to close out the stress cycle loop that inevitably we face all day every day, the better we will feel.
And Iāve talked before about the stress cycle loop but think of it like this. Your stress is caused by the stressors in your life. It could be a deadline at work, a toddler who refuses to sleep, a messy house, an ill family member, a rushed morning when your alarm didnāt go off, or a friend who wonāt call you back and you worry you did something wrongā¦small stuff, big stuffā¦stressors donāt discriminate. The second we have a stressor happen in our life the stress cycle begins in our bodies. This is NORMAL. But the problem is, most of us donāt CLOSE THE LOOP of the cycle so our bodies become trapped in a constant state of overwhelm day in and day out. This piles up friends. And this is exactly where I found myself even though I was moving my body. MOVEMENTā¦caring for our PHYSICAL BODIES is a KEY WAY to release the stress and close the stress cycle loop. Moving that energy thru your body so it doesnāt get stuck in your body.
So I canāt just stop moving. Thatās not me. But Iāve had to look at my relationship with it and start finding new ways to move that are loving and kind. I love the daily walks we do on the trail behind our house. Or beach walks at sunset. Yoga at this new studio I found here in Tampa. My husband Charlie bought me a bike for Christmas and doing longer bike rides to fun places like the park, the beach, breweries, baseball games. Itās just been FUN. Iāve also leaned into cycle syncing my workouts so that I am not so demanding on my body all month long. And Iāve played around with different fitness apps beyond the one I used to promote so I can experience other voices, other styles, other trainers. And itās been so so good.
But it doesnāt end there. Often when we consider our physical bodies we think of movement and fitness as the end goal. This was me in my burnout era. But owning and understanding the delicate dance with rest + recovery is essential and itās a dance Iām doing right now.
Beforeā¦I didnāt stop. And with the business model I had and new workout programs launching and all the thingsā¦there was never really a good time to slow down. This had to change when I stepped away. Almost immediately I stopped doing intense workouts and started walking and doing yoga only as my methods for movement. My body and nervous system needed that. And now, I track my recovery, my sleep, my cycle using the Oura ring so I can honor where my body is at and give her what she needs. And friends, more often than not thatās naps and rest and more sleep.
So the first space I really looked at was my physical self care.
I STOPPED TRYING TO DO IT ALL.
But then I had to take a good look at the load I was carrying and get honest about how much that really was. One of the recurring themes whenever I come face to face with burnout is that I hold independent woman..this āIāll do it myselfā kinda attitude...as a badge of honor. Itās kinda my red flag that Iām leaning into burnout.
But hereās what youāve gotta know. Iām a self starter. Iām a problem solver. Iām a fixer. And Iām an internal processor so the wheels are constantly spinning, ya know? All great qualities on their own, right? But when you combine them together you get a woman who carries all the weight of all the world when she was never asked to do so. And this weight becomes crushing. Can you relate?
Sometimes itās bc we think no one can do it the way we can.
Sometimes itās bc itās flat out easier to do it ourselves than explain it for the millionth time.
Sometimes weāre internally creating a rat race for ourselvesā¦to keep up with the proverbial Joneās ya know?
And sometimesā¦and this one feels like a punch in the gut so brace yourselfā¦we wear all this weight and do all these things ourselves as a protection from being hurt or disappointed.
I say all of this with so much love bc I walked all of this. Shoot I walk it out STILL. Iām a recovering YES WOMAN, meaning itās more comfortable for me to say YES to everyone and everything than it is to turn someone down. I fear Iāll miss out on opportunities and maybe even my one shot. Which sounds so silly when I say it out loud, but weāre being real today.
Saying YES to everything led me to overextending myself all the time.
Being jaded at others bc I felt like I was ādoing it allā and they werenāt helping (even thoughā¦letās be real, I wasnāt giving them room to help).
And honestlyā¦Iāve had seasons where Iāve fallen straight up ILL bc my body + mind are like āNOPE weāre done.ā
Doing it all is a recipe for exhaustion and ultimately burnout.
So what do women who donāt do it all do? This is kinda what Iāve had to explore and work thru in my own life. What Iāve found isā¦
They delegate.
They ask for help.
They talk to others + get honest in their conversations.
They share the journey with others vs walking the road alone.
And they also humble themselves.
This was (IS) a huge one for me. I had to come to terms that it doesnāt always have to be done how I would do it for it to be good enough. Iām learning that other people have gifts and talents and skills that THEY were born with, so I donāt rob them of the opportunity to use those and I allow THEM to shine those outward instead of steeling the limelight. Iāve been reminding myself that YESā¦I can do anything I set my mind to, but (and this is huge) I canāt do everything. And I think the biggest lesson Iām learning in laying down the weight of having to carry it all is that when you say YES to one thing, youāre inevitably saying NO to everything else. When I say YES to a speaking engagement, Iām saying NO to my husband that night. When you say YES to the bake sale (do they still do those?!), youāre saying NO to rest that you need. When you start to look at what the NO is, itās really eye opening and helps me protect my YES that much more.
IāM PRACTICING BOUNDARIES + HONORING MY CAPACITY.
This is a perfect segway bc when you free yourself from having to ādo it allā you simultaneously come to terms with what boundaries ARE or ARE NOT in place in your life and your capacity for what you can actually give your YES to.
I used to be the woman who had NO BOUNDARIES and didnāt honor or even notice her capacity. I honestly believed that coffee + preworkout could handle my extreme exhaustion from every single YES I was giving of myself.
Are you this way? Saying YES to everything? Powering thru bc they āneed you?ā
The most humble moment of my life was when I moved from Miami to the Bay Area in CA and left the classroom and the teams I used to coach in the performing arts world. At that time in my life I gave every single YES to teaching and coaching. I never missed a day of school unless it was for a competition. I never missed a rehearsal unless I had a school commitment. I stayed late. I got there early. I agreed to all the extras. Bc my ego told me they āneeded me.ā that if I werenāt there they wouldnāt be able to function as well.
And then I left.
And everyone functioned just fine without me. My students went on to graduate and do so well for themselves in college. My teaching position was replaced immediately for the next school year. And in fact, the groups I coached thrived without me. But I think the worst part for my ego was that the people who I thought āneeded meā so bad in hindsight actually took advantage of me for all those years. And itās not their fault. I allowed them to take advantage of me bc I lacked boundaries.
Friends I didnāt know boundaries. And I didnāt know my own capacity. And I ended up completely burnt out and jaded after all of that time.
Boundaries protect YOU so you can be your BEST for others.
And capacity allows you to KNOW HOW MUCH YOU CAN DO before youāre on E.
Knowing this helps you show up for the people + purposes that matter most to you for the LONG HAUL.
So what does this look like in my journey these last few years?
Well. Boundaries are mine to establish. And boundaries arenāt just between you and your neighbor or mother-in-law or coworker. Boundaries for me look like where is my energy being sucked?! And when I asked myself this, the answer was in two places: my phone + my work. When Iām dipping into an overwhelmed, burned out sorta state I tend to spend more time scrolling and my work hours blend heavily into my life hours. The lines get really blurred and itās become an opportunity for me to establish some boundaries. So a few things that are helping me:
Putting my phone to bed in a different room. I donāt sleep near my phone. I have a special phone dock that I bought on Amazon that sits in my office and around 7pm I put it to bed and I donāt pick it up until itās time to work the next day.
I also set time limits on my apps and I regularly check my phone/app usage to see how many hours per day Iām spending on it.
My planner has been a game changer for me. Really looking at my BIG GOALS and how those fit into the smaller weeks of the monthā¦giving myself bite size chunks daily. Itās taken so much of the pressure off of always having to be in ON / HUSTLE mode. Iām fortunate bc I was able to break up with the business model my previous company had where my goals + benchmarks were on a month to month cycle and Iāve given more space and margin to breathe. Now I work more in the quarters with a focus and this is so much more breathable for me.
IāM LEANING INTO MY PM ROUTINE ERA.
I think this segways perfectly into this next area Iāve been tapping into and itās my PM ROUTINE. Iām leaning into my PM ROUTINE ERA and Iām not even mad. And the biggest reason is bc the evenings can be the easiest time where I numb out or zone out or my mind just doesnāt put work mode down, ya know?
Iāve preached forever about establishing morning routines, but my morning routine got to a place where it was the total opposite of energizing and calming and TBH there was a time where I stopped showing up to it bc it just wasnāt filling me the same way. I want to acknowledge that THIS is also normal. When seasons change, when life shiftsā¦often our routines need a little makeover or revamping alongside of that.
Instead of beating myself up I got curious about what I needed. And in this season Iāve needed a lot more rest. Coming out of burnout wasnāt like get one good night of sleep and Iāll be fine. It was likeā¦I constantly have to monitor my rest. And the best place to start honoring that was with romanticizing my evening routine.
Making it something vibey and calming and like an exhale from the day. But also, not treading on the line of numbing out at the end of the day as a means to exhale, either. This has looked like:
Putting my phone to bed + changing into my jammies.
Usually at that point I play with the dogs while my husband and I catch an episode or two of our current fave show.
Then I do a quick tidy sweep of the house. Dog toys put away. Fold blankets and reset the living area. Dishes out of the sink and in the dishwasher. Counters in the kitchen wiped down.
After this is done I set out my workout clothes for the morning. I refill my water and have it ready in the fridge. And I set my morning stack (my journal, current book, bible study or devo, and my laminated vision board) in the living room. And then I start my PM skin care routine, which I LOVE bc Iāve never really one had before and IDK..itās been kinda fun.
At this point I get in bed and read a fiction book to help my mind can get off of all things growth and self care and work. And while I read I sip on what I call my āmidnight mocktailā which is a blend of my FAVE magnesium from GutPersonal frothed with tart cherry juice and strawberry vanilla OliPop.
Iāve thoroughly LOVED this routine and itās helped me disconnect from a lot of the stress + pressure I tend to put on myself and lean more into my family and being present with the ones I love, including myself.
IāM CREATING A LIFE OUTSIDE OF WORK.
Okay and last. Speaking of disconnect from stress and pressureā¦can I be honest and say most of the stress and pressure I place on myself comes from work. And whatās wild is I am my own boss and sometimes I can be the worst boss to myself.
Iām embarrassed admitting this but work has been the main thing. Work goals have been the main thing. Achieving some form of career success has been the main thing. And everything else has come second to that. Iām a person that cares so deeply about my calling and what I give and put out into the world, but Iāve found myself making my calling my idol. The thing I wake up and obsess over and bow down to and sacrifice for. And itās left me really really drained.
So in this season Iām creating a life OUTSIDE of what I do for work.
And I highly suggest thinking about who you are outside of WORK. Shootā¦or being a momā¦or the comparison doom scroll you do on your phone. Ooooh did I hit a nerve with that one? Hereās the thing and itās what I have to remind myselfā¦you were SOMEONE before you had that job. And youāll still BE SOMEONE even when that job goes away. Friends. You were SOMEONE before you had kids. And youāll still BE SOMEONE when they grow up and you shove them out into the world. You were SOMEONE with a gift and calling and a unique mark on your life before you scrolled social today and the comparison of that scroll mightāve convinced you to think otherwise. So hear me -
YOU ARE SOMEONE BEYOND YOUR JOB.
YOU ARE SOMEONE BEYOND BEING THEIR MOM.
YOU ARE SOMEONE BEYOND WHAT SALLY ON SOCIAL IS DOING.
What is YOUR LIFE LIKE outside of those spaces? What is the identity you carry? This one is HAAAARRRRD for me friends. Bc time and time again I place my identity and worth in things like my work, or social comparison, or even the fact that Iām not a mom yet and so whatās my identity as a woman if I donāt ever get that name?
But hereās what I know. The times when Iām MOST overwhelmed, tired, burnt out, or just flat out low are the times when I start creating my identity out of things that arenāt constant.
Your job might not always be there. So who are you without it?
Your kids arenāt always gonna need you. So who are you beyond that?
Your life isnāt found in a feed. So what are you doing to LIVE IT while you get the chance?
I donāt have the easy answers on this one. But I can tell you this. Consider these questions. And then fight for this friends. Bc thereās nothing worse than building WHO YOU ARE + the WORTH YOU CARRY on something that can slip away at any moment.
So. Whew. That was a lot, but I truly hope in my openness and honesty that you can see the behind the scenes view of what it really takes to live life BEYOND BURNOUT. To heal from the things that take you to hustle. To pause and slow down without guilt. To mend relationships with yourself and others. Itās work friends. But itās what we do in this space and I canāt wait to hear how this is speaking to you or how youāre choosing to apply it to your own life + journey. Be sure to share this episode on your social bc you never know who else in your circle is in desperate need of the kinds of conversations we have here and tag me so I can see what youāre loving + learning along the way bc thatās seriously my fave part.
Iām rooting for you. And I canāt wait to see you back here next time on The SELF CARE Sisterhood Podcast. š¤š¤š¼
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