The REAL REASON you’ve lost motivation

Sep 11

In today’s post we’ll chat thru…

① What MOTIVATION ISN’T + what it IS
② What’s actually missing when you’ve lost motivation
③ And some things that help me get it back.

LET’S DIVE IN. 🖤

Hello hello friends! Today is one of those episodes where I just want to encourage anyone listening who feels like maybe you’ve lost a little motivation. I gotta start off by saying YOU NOT BEING MOTIVATED…it’s NORMAL. There’s so much about motivation that I feel like is misconceptualized and so today I want to break down what motivation isn’t, talk thru what I think is missing when you’ve “lost motivation,” walk you thru the brain and how it’s wired for change and how this knowledge can truly help you build more awareness around those times you feel like you’ve lost motivation, and I wanna help you figure out some tangible ways to get your motivation back if you’ve been a little meh lately. Let’s dive in. 🖤

WHAT MOTIVATION ISN’T:

I wanna start by sharing what motivation ISN’T bc there’s a lot of misconceptions surrounding motivation.

✻ MOTIVATION IS NOT A SKILL SOME HAVE + SOME DON’T. You don’t "learn" motivation. It’s more complex and fluid than a simple skill set bc it’s shaped by what’s going on in your environment, how your mindset is or where your mood is at on a given day, and your overall well-being. So let’s ditch the idea that some people have this “skill” that you don’t have.

✻ MOTIVATION IS NOT PERMANENT. I’m often asked “how do you stay so motivated?!” and the truth is…I don’t. I lose motivation just like the next person bc motivation is not permanent. It comes and goes bc it’s influenced by your energy levels, your mental state, and often factors we’ll talk about today.

✻ MOTIVATION IS NOT THE SAME FOR EVERYONE. What motivates one person might not motivate another and bc of this, motivation is deeply personal. Often times the motivation isn’t the issue, it’s the goal or expectation we’ve placed on ourselves.

Does that make you feel better? Motivation is a tricky thing, ya know? One second you can have THE MOST MOTIVATION EVER and the next it can feel like you never had any at all. It’s the ONE THING I hear (like I said) time and time again - “Britt, I’m just not motivated.” or “Britt, how do you stay so motivated?” And once we understand how motivation works and how we can leverage it to our benefit, it truly changes everything.

So WHAT EXACTLY IS motivation?

Well, scientists define motivation as your general willingness to do something. Basically the reason to show up for a goal, right? What’s missing from this definition, though, is that motivation comes and goes similar to our emotions. And when it’s there…AMAZING. We feel on top of the world. But when it’s not, we often think something is wrong with US. And so we resort to telling ourselves things like “I’m just not a motivated person.”

WHAT’S ACTUALLY MISSING WHEN YOU’RE NOT MOTIVATED?

Truly…a feeling. And that feeling comes from an ACTION.

Let me give you some examples -

You see an ad with a really fit, happy, healthy woman in her living room riding a Peloton. You buy the Peloton. It arrives. You set up your little gym space. You open the app. You are motivated to hit play on your first workout.
Or you go to that business event. You get fired up. You set the goals. You buy the new planner + journal + all the things. And you set your alarm for your NEW DAY ONE. You are motivated to wake up and WIN YOUR MORNING + CRUSH YOUR GOALS before anyone in your home wakes up.

It doesn’t even have to come from positive actions. Motivation can come from a negative experience too. Let me show that -

You go out with your friends. You drink too much. You eat like crap. You stay up way too late. And when you wake up the next morning you hate how you feel. You vow that you’re going to clean up your act and start implementing healthier habits surrounding your social life and so you’re motivated to do so.
Or let’s say you find yourself dreading yet another Monday. Your job doesn’t give you much satisfaction like it once did. Your boss is an A-hole. You don’t get paid enough for the hours and effort you put in. You feel overlooked + underappreciated. It’s basically a paycheck. And you live this way for a long time until it gets so heavy you can’t take it anymore. You open up a blank doc and start to create a resume for yourself bc you are now motivated to find a new job.

Do you see? Every. Single. Time. (regardless if the motivation came from a positive place or a negative experience) you become motivated bc of a PREVIOUS ACTION that got you in that frame of mind. It’s not that you “aren’t a motivated person,” it’s simply that the actions you took didn’t motivate you in the direction you desire.

So what’s ACTUALLY MISSING when you feel like you’ve lost motivation? Well…action. But it does go a little deeper than that and I want to help you create a lifestyle where you’re able to take the actions that lead you into a more motivated existence. I want to help you learn how to LIVE IN ALIGNMENT with your best self, even when the motivation is absent. Essentially…doing what you need to do even when a part of you just doesn’t feel like it. So, there are THREE THINGS I want you to check in on if you feel like you’ve lost motivation. I’ve spoken about this before, but it’s my “G.E.T. MOTIVATED” Framework and it goes like this:

G-OAL.

The definition of motivation says it itself - your REASON FOR SHOWING UP FOR A GOAL. So the second you find yourself not feeling motivated you’ve got to check in. Do you actually have a goal? And. Is that GOAL worth getting out of bed for, showing up for, or moving towards when you don’t really feel like it. Bc you won’t always FEEL LIKE doing things. We know this. And. You don’t have to allow you emotions to dictate your behaviors, right?

One of the reasons getting in spaces like this podcast, The Sisterhood Membership, and getting in the room at The Sisterhood Retreat is so powerful is we take time to FOCUS on where we’re going. This attention is now at the forefront of our mind whether we’re crushing our goals or we’ve slipped off track. One of the reasons you might feel more motivated after leaving this space or getting off calls with me is bc we’ve spent time RECONNECTING to our goals. And if that thing we care about isn’t fresh in our minds, we will lose interest, focus, and inevitably fall off track.

So check in. Bc the work doesn’t come when you set the goal. It happens when things slip off track.

E-NERGY.

Here’s the thing. Most of the time you aren’t lacking motivation. You have the goal. You know what you want. So what’s missing?

You’re freaking TIRED. Burnt out. Exhausted. Mentally drained. Experiencing decision fatigue. Carrying a mental load no one can see. You’re not unmotivated. You’re simply tired.

Energy is something we rarely consider when we talk about motivation. And it’s SO KEY bc one of the most overlooked pieces about motivation that we just chatted thru, is that it often comes after you take action. After you do the thing. We often use motivation as the EXCUSE for not showing up to take action, but we actually need to do the thing to get the motivation. This is why energy needs to be a part of the conversation.

Check in.

How’s your sleep? Are you getting quality sleep where you wake up rested?
How’s your nutrition? Are you eating meals that nourish your body and give you natural energy or is it mostly processed, fake food?
How’s the lighting? Are you getting sunlight or are you stuck in an office with flourescent lights all day, staring at a screen?
How’s your movement? Are you moving your body regularly and taking walks or sitting at a desk all day?
How’s your water intake? Are you drinking half your body weight in ounces of water (like real, actual water) each day? Or are you pounding coffee, pop (yes I call it pop 😜), energy drinks, etc?

These are your ENERGY GIVERS. And there are other things you can do, but this list - sleep, food, sunlight, movement, and water - are the most basic starting point. Show up to these and watch your motivation begin to grow for what you desire in life. When I feel good, I show up differently, ya know? And the same is true for you.

T-INY CHOICES.

Okay and the last part is your CHOICES friends. You’ve got the goal. You know what you REALLY WANT to do. You’ve got the energy. But are you DOING ANYTHING WITH IT? And I’m not talking about big leaps or going all in from 0 to 100 on a whim only to fizzle and burn out.

I’m talking about SMALL STEPS. TINY CHOICES. IN THE DIRECTION OF YOUR DESIRES. CONSISTENTLY. Not perfectly, but CONSISTENTLY. Over a long enough period of time for it to even matter. So often I think the “ALL OR NOTHING” mentality is what trips us up in this department.

I have to go to the gym everyday or else I’m a failure.
I have to eat clean and healthy everyday or else why bother?
I have to see my business sore immediately or it’s not for me.

That’s an exhausting way to live, friends. Bc when we live this way we ultimate are living in a START/STOP space. Constantly on this loop of trying. Quitting. Trying something else. What if instead of ALL OR NOTHING, you were ALL IN. Meaning COMMITTED to the journey? Even if that means there’s breaks and pit stops and adjusments along the way (bc there will be).

It’s the TINY CHOICES. In the direction of your desires. That’s what moves you closer and closer to your goals. And the closer and closer you get…the more that finish line is in sight, well the more motivated you feel, right? So you have to keep going.

SO WHAT DO WE DO ABOUT IT?!

How do you make yourself DO something, when you don’t feel like doing it?! I know. This is the million dollar question and probably the lamest answer. But you’ve got to do something in the direction of your desires. It doesn’t have to be MONUMENTAL. But something. The best strategy for motivation is to take it out of the equation. There are things you and I both do every day whether we feel like it or not. The example I love to use with my clients is that of brushing your teeth. You don’t ask yourself in the morning if you “feel like” brushing your teeth. You just do it bc it’s a non negotiable habit that you’ve practiced for a long, freaking time. You don’t think about it. You just do it.

Why?

This is where I geek out bc it makes motivation make sense. It’s all about your brain and the neural pathways you’ve made. The things you do, the words you say to yourself, what you believe to be true…they all create pathways in the brain. And overtime these pathways become almost like trenches or ditches. Deep and grooved into your brain. That’s why brushing your teeth seems so effortless. It is. Your brain is wired for simplicity so it doesn’t have to expend excess energy thinking about things it already knows how to do. This is why you can drive home from work, park in the garage, and have that moment where you’re like “I don’t even remember driving home…I was so in my thoughts and all of a sudden I was here.” That’s a groove. That’s a trench…a pathway your brain has created.

Here’s the kicker. When we “lose motivation” it’s almost always bc that thing was NEW and the neural pathways weren’t all that deep yet to form it as a habit. When you start something new you have to carve those fresh pathways out, sometimes from scratch. And that takes a HUGE amount of consicous effort. And if you don’t commit to creating that path, it will always feel like a massive effort. That’s why things often feel HARDER before they take on as a habit. This is why you have to fight thru the “not feeling like it” factor. You are actually fighting your own brain to do something new. And anytime we go into stress mode or the week doesn’t fly by or the kids won’t stop or traffic sucked, you brain will automatically talk you out of that “new thing” and choose the easiest route possible, which whether you like it or not, might be the bottle of wine, scrolling social, and ordering DoorDash. You wanted to work out when you got home on Thursday night, but your brain wanted ease. And if we aren’t aware off what’s actually happening in the brain and body, the brain will always win.

A FEW THINGS THAT HELP:

✻ Make your new habits as easy as possible. Set the workout clothes out (or sleep in them!). Have the groceries already prepped in the fridge so you stick to what you planned. Pick a gym that’s on the way home.

✻ Set up your environment to support this new habit. Put your alarm clock in a separate room so you have to get out of bed. Take the TV out of the bedroom and place a book on your pillow. Remove the white chocolate Reese’s ghosts from the cabinet and make your healthy food look appealing in the cabinet and fridge so you want to grab it.

✻ Act as if. I don’t believe in the fake it til you make it…but you can believe in yourself as you become her, right? So act as if this is WHO YOU ARE now. Habits and motivation come down to a lot about what you believe about yourself. If you believe you’re a morning person, you will be. If you believe you are healthy and strong, you’ll do the things healthy, strong people do. If you say “oh I’m not drinking right now” you’ve already given yourself a free pass bc you’re not someone who is AF. Instead say I don’t drink. Even if that’s just for this season, that’s okay. You are embodying the IDENTITY of the person who DOES THE THING. And that is everything when it comes to motivation.

So. What’s the REAL REASON you’ve lost motivation? I can’t answer that specifically but I hope today gave you some things to chew on and that maybe something you heard spoke to you…wherever you’re at in your journey right now.

MAYBE YOU STOPPED TAKING THE ACTIONS…HOPING AND WISHING MOTIVATION WOULD STRIKE.
MAYBE YOU SLIPPED UP AND LOST SIGHT OF THE GOAL….BRING IT BACK + REFRESHEN IT.
MAYBE YOUR ENERGY IS LOW…IF SO, WHAT ENERGY GIVERS CAN YOU GIVE YOURSELF TODAY?
MAYBE YOU’VE BEEN IN AN ALL OR NOTHING MINDSET AND YOU NEED TO GIVE YOURSELF GRACE AND SPACE TO TAKE TINY STEPS IN THE DIRECTION YOU DESIRE.
MAYBE YOU NEED TO START SETTING UP YOUR ENVIRONMENT SO YOUR HABITS ARE EASIER TO DO THAN NOT.
OR MAYBE YOU’RE THE ONE WHO NEEDS TO START BEING THE TYPE OF PERSON WHO DOES THOSE KINDS OF THINGS.

Whichever one is you, please know that motivation comes and goes for all of us. But when we can understand the science behind what our brains are trying to do to keep us safe and at ease, it becomes easier to have agency over the next best choice. Amen?! Be sure to share this episode on your social and tag me so I can see what you’re loving + learning along the way. I’m rooting for you. And I can’t wait to see you back here next time on The SELF CARE Sisterhood Podcast. 🖤🤟🏼

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