WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU PUSH PAST DOUBT {behind the scenes of planning + prepping The Sisterhood Retreat}
In today’s post we’ll chat thru…
① My BEHIND THE SCENES fears + doubts when prepping for The Sisterhood Retreat
② Dreams vs reality. Messy Middles. And a little honestly hour.
③ And the gift that comes on the other side of pushing past doubts.
LET’S DIVE IN. 🖤
Hello hello friends! Today is one of those episodes where we get to peel back the curtain and go behind the scenes. It’s one of those “come with me” moments where I don’t have life or business (or anything, really) figured out, but I’m trying. I’m moving forward. I’m learning and growing and shifting. Which I hope inspires you exactly where you’re at in your journey.
The inspiration for today’s episode came from hosting our first Sisterhood Retreat a few weeks back. And while I’m still processing the true impact of the entire journey, there are a few lessons I want to pass on to you. Bc if you pressed play on an episode about pushing past doubt, I’m SURE you’ve had a big dream or goal that at one point excited you, but when it came time to take action or somewhere during the action, doubt crept in. Fears came. Maybe you got a little frustrated with the pace. Maybe you wonder if you have what it takes, if it’s the right time, or if anyone even cares about what you’re doing. I’ve literally felt ALL of those things in this process to birth a retreat out into the world and I want to share with you what it really looks like to take action and build your dreams — even with fears + doubts + frustrations — to not just be a DREAMER, but also, A DOER. Because doing the hard work…doing the dang thing…that’s how we get the results we truly desire. And I want that for you. So let’s dive in. 🖤
LETS TALK ABOUT THE DREAM VS REALITY.
After my 40th birthday (which was a girls weekend I hosted here in Tampa, FL with a bunch of friends from all walks of my life) I really had it laid on my heart to host The Sisterhood Retreat THIS YEAR. It was on my vision board to “decide on my first retreat” but after that weekend I knew I could do it AND more importantly, that women NEEDED THIS. That’s the thing about dreams. Often when it’s just about you…you don’t really get after it, but when the goal IMPACTS OTHERS? Gosh that propels me. And I’m sure it does for you, too.
The reality, though, was that in this season of my business being a bit of a baby still and not a lot of income pouring in, I was really afraid to invest the money on booking an AirBnB, buying flights for other faciliators, etc. Bc what if no one signed up?! What if I spent this money and no one cared or came? While this dream was MINE, I needed OTHER PEOPLE to make it come to life. And maybe that’s you, too. Maybe a piece of your dream is out of your control. Maybe you need the positive pregnancy test. Maybe you need the people to join your team or community. Maybe you need your family to get on board or a co-worker to step it up. Often our dreams aren’t just about what we can do. We aren’t an island. And so the fear of not having full control is REAL and it’s HARD, ya’ll.
So that was the dream. But let’s talk about the reality. When the retreat first launched I expected sign ups right away. I planted the seeds. I “built the thing” and then I had to wait for the people to come. And for what it’s worth…it was a few weeks before my first sign up, a full month until two women said YES, and then another few months until I enrolled a third woman and closed off registration. On social I wanted to remain excited and enthusiastic about what I KNEW would and could transform these women’s lives…but behind the scenes I was crushed. And my unmet expectations began to cause me a LOT of doubt. But ya’ll. I had this tiny seed of hope that women needed this and that if I kept building, the right women would come forth. So doubt, fears, frustrations and all…I never stopped.
I talk about this, though, bc these fears + doubts + frustrations are something we all face…esp when your dream is a tiny seed of an idea. But here’s the first lesson I want to give you:
Saying yes to your dreams often requires you to leap before you’re fully ready.
I wasn’t entirely sure how it would all come together, but I had to trust that taking the first step would lead me in the right direction. So where in your life do you need to take a leap of faith…even (and especially) if it feels like you aren’t quite ready? Or that it’s smaller than what you expected in the beginning stages? My advice is less waiting until we have the ten step plan and everything in place, and more messy action with the faith that it will all work out the way it’s supposed to. Deal?
THE MESSY MIDDLE.
One of the things that often trips so many of us up on our way to our goals + dreams is what I like to call “the messy middle.” It’s that space where you already committed, you already took the leap, you already ripped the band aid. BUT…you aren’t “there” yet…in fact, you’re really freaking far away. The finish line doesn’t look close. Doubt creeps in. And basically all you’re left with is a whole lot of WORK in front of you. This is the unsexy part of the process that no one likes to talk about. And it’s a real piece that trips us up.
I don’t have the best advice or a great answer for how to navigate the messy middle or why it exists other than I know I’m continually learning how to hold space for the messy middle and ALLOW IT INTO the journey vs wish it away and pretend like it shouldn’t be there. Bc the reality is, for most of us…for most of our lives…we will BE IN the messy middle. And I’m learning that in this space we get the gift of building a spirit of resilience when we’d otherwise want to rush to the “good stuff." The messy middle allows things to depart and fade away, which for me means I can offer them back to God. To you this looks like blessing and releasing, loosening your grip. The messy middle gives us the ability to sit in the uncomfortable seasons, knowing that this too shall pass. My messy middle of this process looked a lot like being mad at God. For me, it felt like I had heard Him. Like I was doing a good thing. I mean…I wasn’t murdering anyone or getting them hooked on drugs, right? 😜 Like why wouldn’t He just send women pouring in…signing up? It felt unfair. It felt frustrating. And if I’m being real, it felt like maybe this wasn’t for me. Tears were a huge piece of this process and my husband had a front row seat to how devastated I was that I didn’t sell out the retreat as I had planned. The only thing that helped in this process was time, consistency, and getting back up even when I felt a little bit defeated.
Friends. Every big goal has a messy middle. We all hit that point where it feels hard, and the excitement fades into frustration. This is where most people give up. But what if we saw this part — the doubt, the crickets, the tears—as just part of the process?
And if that’s where you are right now, please know that it won’t always be like this. Take a picture of this moment (either mentally by journaling about it or physically snap a pic) so you can look back on this moment. I love doing this. I love giving future me a chance to look back and see how far I’ve come, that I didn’t give up, and that God was faithful thru it all…even if it doesn’t look like what I expected, right? So the next lesson…
Setbacks, silence, AND SMALL STARTS don’t mean you’re doing it wrong. Sometimes, they are simply part of the process. Every middle is a little bit messy.
HONESTY HOUR…
I can’t believe I’m going to share this and for the ladies that were at the retreat with me…I hope you hear my heart that it was EXACTLY the right number with the exact right women who were there. And. I have to admit that I struggled with being seen as a failure bc I didn’t sell out my retreat. I originally opened it to 10 women plus the facilitators hosting the weekend. That felt like a good goal and a stretch for me. What we ended up with were three women who took a leap of faith and I worried that it was too small. That there would be dead space or awkward moments bc it wasn’t what I had originally envisioned.
Here’s the thing though, it was perfect. The amount of women allowed us to go deep. To make it intimate. To make it boutique vs cookie cutter. To not rush thru the good, hard stuff. To allow every single women to feel safe, seen, held, and supported all weekend long. And I loved that. So much so that I actually DO NOT want to repeat this format of our retreat with much larger than 6 women. This just felt special, ya know?
And so what I saw as a failure actually turned out to be a gift for the women in the space. I was reminded time and time again of a piece of scripture from Luke 16:10 where it says “Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much.” (NIV) Even though my heart and ego wanted this to be a big turnout, those women got the same level of experience bc I acted as if the retreat sold out. I set up the weekend as if I had been hosting this for years and it was a massive success. I know that in order to get to my “much” I have to be faithful with the few. And the same is true for you. Maybe you don’t have the followers you want bc God is protecting you and building your character for when you do. Maybe you don’t have that role yet bc you’re being molded or shaped before you can get the promotion. Maybe your bank account isn’t where you envisioned it to be at this point in your life, but how can you be faithful with what you’ve got…even if you desire more?
The world tells us that more is better, but I was reminded yet again that…
The only way you build is by putting in the reps and consistently improving what you offer. Brick by brick. It becomes a lot. And that ONE BRICK, it matters. Just like the next one. And the next one. And the next one.
Let’s not get caught up in having the MANY if we can’t serve + love + be trusted with the few.
SO the first lessons had a lot to do with the pressure we place on ourselves to “look big, “sell out,” “feel significant” AND THE LAST TWO LESSONS I WANNA WRAP UP WITH ARE more about what we do once we get the thing we worked so hard for -
First. Soak it in.
How often do we get to the goal. Live in the dream. Hold the thing we prayed for. Achieve the promotion. And we already have our eyes on the next thing we desire?
I do this all the time.
During the actual retreat I decided that I was going to be fully present in the weekend, soaking in what once was a dream on my heart, that turned into a YES, that came with doubts and fears and frustrations…but bc I never gave up…I was sitting in what was once a dream. And now…it was my reality. I’ve had this idea on my heart for about two years now…that I could create a boutique style retreat where women would be able to release what was no longer serving them while simultaneously realigning with their true north…with what they desire in this one precious life. Tears were shed almost IMMEDIATELY as we sat together at the top of the weekend and so many break-thru moments happened bc we gave ourselves the space and support circle to do so. Women left lighter. Transformed. Refreshed. Renewed. And ready to go home and put in the reps. It was truly better than I had imagined it to be. And if I was so caught up in what the next goal was or reactive to the small things, I wouldn’t have been able to soak in the goodness that comes when you push past doubt.
Friends this episode is all about what happens when you PUSH PAST DOUBT. And truly…what happens is you get to live in the goodness of doing the thing you set on your heart to go do. You get to stand back and be proud of your efforts, knowing what really went on behind the scenes and what it looked like to move thru the messy middle. And you also get to witness the ripple effect of your willingness to show up even when it got hard. When you’re living in alignment with how you were uniquely wired to show up, serve, and love others…it’s so much bigger than you. So first. Be sure to soak it in.
BUT SECOND…KEEP CLIMBING MOUNTAINS.
The best part about climbing mountains is that you get to the top, take in the view, and realize there are so many more mountains you can climb. The gift of pushing past your doubts is you build POTENTIAL for what’s POSSIBLE in your life. And you start to have more and more courage for doing the hard things that feel really scary. So after you push past the doubt and climb that mountain, my advice is never to simply wash, rinse, and repeat, but rather -
WASH, RINSE, REFLECT, + REPEAT (but BETTER).
Every time you push past doubt and turn what was once a dream on your vision board into a reality in your life, you get the chance to see what more you’re capable of doing and you get to learn from these experiences so you can show up the next time even better. Stronger. More equipped. To do those things that are laid on your heart.
This entire process was a rollercoaster of emotions and learning and stretching and growth. And I am so grateful I never gave up. What happens when you push past doubt, friends? Everything. You get to remind yourself of what happens when you don’t give up. And that commitment builds confidence in yourself. And that confidence allows you show up and do what only YOU can do in this world. And the world needs that.
So whatever that thing is right now that’s got you feeling like maybe it’s not for you…or maybe no one cares…or maybe you should try some other time…or maybe (fill in the blank)…
I want today’s episode to be a reminder that the only way TO YOUR GOAL is THRU those moments of doubt and fear and frustration and stretching. It simply means you’re growing. And you know in this space I’ll always remind you that GROWTH LOOKS GOOD ON YOU.
I love you. I’m rooting for you. And I can’t wait to see you back here next time on The SELF CARE Sisterhood Podcast. 🖤🤟🏼
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