HEALTHY HOLIDAY BOUNDARIES: How to Love Others (+ Yourself) Well This Season🍗🎁🪩

Nov 20

In today’s post we’ll chat thru…

① Shifting our perspective on BOUNDARIES.
② 2 Things that help me with BOUNDARIES.
③ 3 Tips to use this season + 4 REAL LIFE examples to steal.

LET’S DIVE IN. 🖤

Hello hello friends! Happy November (if you’re catching this in real time!!!!). I’m super pumped to chat with ya’ll today about all things stress, holidays, and some of the things I’m doing this season to make sure I steer clear of stress this season, but before that I want to kick off with a few announcements. Three things, and I promise to be really quick:

I have a goal to end 2024 and our 100th episode by getting 100 5 star reviews on apple podcasts. If you haven’t left a review and 5 stars over there, it would mean the world to me if you paused this episode, scrolled down, and left a 5 star review. this is how we spread the word about self care and self improvement and I can’t hit this goal without you. So yes…you…if you are listening and you’ve never left a review. this is your moment!
THE SISTERHOOD RETREAT IS COMING BACK THIS FEBRUARY 2025!!! 👯‍♀️🖤 So many of you reached out that you simply couldn’t make our September retreat work for you but that you HAD TO GET YOUR BOOTY TO THE NEXT ONE. Well rubber meet road bc it’s here! 😜 Seriously though. The power and magic and transformation that happened in the September Retreat was EVERYTHING and I just want MORE WOMEN to experience this. The ladies who came had doubts - probably just like you - they were nervous, they had thoughts like “what if I don’t get along with anyone,” “what if I wasted my money on this,” “what am I doing…I should be home taking care of my family”…and every concern in-between. And they all walked out saying some version “EVERY WOMAN NEEDS THIS.” And I believe that. If you are tired of playing small, if you want to be a better mom, wife, coworker, friend, insert the role you play. If you want to set some goals and really get clear about where you want life to move in 2025. If you’re burnt out and need to navigate next steps - this is for you. Head to www.inspirebeautybritt.com/retreat for all the details.
Winter 2025 in The Sisterhood Membership opens in a few weeks on November 25th and I know you’re gonna love the topic of this season - NEW YEAR | BEST YOU - How to (actually) Set and Achieve Your Goals. We’ll be talking about all things goal setting, habit and change, why resolutions typically don’t work, how to make a vision board for the year, and how to fall in love with the PROCESS of moving towards your goals in 2025. It’s gonna be so so good. We’ve got workshops, sweat meet ups, monthly reflection + prep sessions, monthly meet ups, book club, AND members get $500 OFF of The Sisterhood Retreat ticket, so win win if you had a nudge a second ago when I was walking about the retreat. All the info for that is in the show notes below or you can head to www.inspirebeautybritt.com/jointhesisterhood to get your name on the VIP waitlist. I email waitlisters the moment enrollment opens so you’ll be first in the loop to snag your spot.

Alright. That’s it for announcements. 5 Stars and Reviews. The Retreat is coming in February and what a GIFT you could give yourself and your loved ones to take this intentional pause. And The Membership opens soon for enrollment. Now let me transition back into today’s topic: HEALTHY HOLIDAY BOUNDARIES.

LET’S DIVE IN. 🖤

FIRST LETS SHIFT OUR MINDSET ABOUT BOUNDARIES.

If the word “BOUNDARY” makes you kinda want to cringe, you’re not alone. I’m not really the confrontational type and the word “boundaries” just feels really heavy and confronting. At least, that’s how it felt before I reframed the way I viewed boundaries. And my hope today, is that we can look at boundaries a little different and prep our minds, bodies, and spirits for the holiday season. During the holidays we have conversations we might not normally have, be around people who we might not normally be around, get out of normal schedules and routines bc there’s more parties on the calendar, and have expectations + opinions that might not exist in your normal day to day the rest of the year. I want us to prep ourselves for this.

And. I know when we think of self care and even the holiday season, BOUNDARIES might not be the first thing that comes to mind. 😜 But stick with me…bc the more I dig into real self care that’s woven in and out of your whole life…I’m seeing that it becomes about taking deep ownership over your life - holidays included. Caring for you so that you can go out into the world and do great things…to love and serve others well…to show up to you callings, passions, and purpose…to have the energy and capacity to THRIVE over just survive. To be fully present at the Christmas party. To not feel the rush and chaos during the season, but rather the love and peace, and presence that comes. To not be a ball of stress ready to blow at any given moment. To not dread this season, but to soak it in and savor it.

And in order to do that…I feel like BOUNDARIES BELONG in the discussion.

Boundaries serve as layers of PROTECTION that allow you to establish a healthy bridge between your personal needs and the demands of the outside world. The intention behind boundaries is not to make you or others feel restricted or closed off. They are meant to protect your energy, values, and well-being. And don’t we all want that this season?

So. The shift. These days, I like to think of boundaries like a house. You could totally put up a brick wall around your house and let nothing in. People. Opportunities. Etc. But we can already tell that even if that’s our go-to response is to shut things out…healthy boundaries can’t be like a wall bc even though you might feel like you’re protecting yourself…inevitably you’re going to miss all the good things that can’t make their way to you. So we can’t put walls up for all things…for all time.

On the other end of the spectrum, healthy boundaries wouldn’t look like a home in a wide open field with nothing protecting it like windows and doors…fences and gates. If that were the case you would be at the mercy of EVERYTHING that comes around you and that would become overwhelming. Not everything can or should have access to you. A lack of boundaries inevitably brings a lack of respect.

Somewhere in the middle is this idea of having windows and doors…fences and gates. Things that allow access to people and opportunities, but also allow you the space to decide how much access things get AND what matters most to YOU. Think about it. Windows and doors to a home can be open and they can be shut. You can decide what comes inside and gets close. Gates allow the same thing, but maybe farther access points. And then fences are a form of protection from anything you decide needs extremely limited access.

One of the myths of boundaries is that we set them in an attempt to CHANGE or FIX someone else. This is not the case and not how I want you to approach the holidays. Instead of thinking about what boundaries are keeping OUT, I want you to consider what they are PROTECTING INSIDE. Boundaries are a way to ADVOCATE for YOURSELF this holiday season while not needing to change or manipulate others.

TWO THINGS THAT HELP ME w/ BOUNDARIES:

① PUT YOUR BOUNDARIES IN THEIR PLACE

Let’s talk about the idea of needing to change or manipulate others. For so long I would set really rigid boundaries and block people out if they weren’t “in line” with what I was doing. This isn’t boundary setting. This is me controlling others. And I had to check myself. Earlier this year I read a book from Melissa Urban, the Creator of WHOLE30, called “The Book of Boundaries.” In this book she talks about different levels of boundaries and gives examples of how to execute those levels in a variety of scenarios. Imagine your boundaries this season a bit like traffic lights.

✻ Red Light Boundaries: These are your non-negotiables (like safety or respect)…clear boundaries where there’s no room for compromise.

✻ Yellow Light Boundaries: These are more flexible, situational boundaries (ex- “I need a break if a certain topic comes up”), which allow for some gray area depending on comfort and energy.

✻ Green Light Boundaries: And these are low-stakes limits that you’re willing to compromise on without sacrificing well-being, like activities you’re okay with but don’t necessarily enjoy.

The biggest thing is knowing where you’re at with certain issues. If you’re trying to make a green light situation into a red light boundary, that might be you trying to control others without realizing it. Take note. Not all boundaries require a full announcement—sometimes silently adjusting our part of the exchange can be just as effective. We don’t need to take every boundary to a red light level if it’s something minor.

② PRACTICE SILENT BOUNDARIES

I think it’s harder to set boundaries with your loved ones than it is to set them in places like work or on social media. Mainly bc there’s more of an emotional connection, right? And that’s where it gets tricky for the holidays. If you’re like me, you never want your boundary to hurt someone else’s feelings. But again. Boundaries aren’t about shutting others out or changing them, they are about protecting what matters most to you.

And because it’s tough to set boundaries with family, a lot of what I practice is something I’m calling “SILENT BOUNDARIES.” Simply put, they are personal boundaries we set with ourselves and follow without needing to announce them to others.

Let me give you some examples of a SILENT BOUNDARY:

- Attending gatherings with a support person (e.g., partner or friend) if you feel uncomfortable alone. This is something I practice in my life. There are certain people who treat me very differently when my husband is around. And after I learned this, I vowed (silently) never to attend an event they will be at without my husband with me in tow. This is silent. I’ve never told this person I do this. But it’s a winning strategy for me bc they behave themselves and I don’t leave feeling super triggered, attacked, or hurt by them. And no one knows (other than me + my husband) that this is a boundary.

- Leaving events early if your energy wanes. Again. Another thing I practice in real time. I know when my energy is going to be gone and I also know when that happens, I’m not a kind human. So I figure out my cut off point and I set that ahead of time. I always kindly excuse myself to leave by placing it back on me, never anyone else, that I’m turning into a pumpkin and need to get home and get to bed. This is really helpful to keep in mind when you’re planning your travel, too. I make sure I have a vehicle or exit strategy before I arrive.

- Avoiding certain topics by staying neutral or gently redirecting conversations. I literally practiced this the other month when a conversation went into religion and politics. Two things I don’t discuss in closed minded situations. We were eating and I was wrapping up my dish, so I go up and excused myself to the kitchen to clean my plate and I simply took a moment to step away and let the conversation die down and shift before I returned.

Silent boundaries have been a game changer for me bc they can help preserve relationships, reduce drama, and allow you to protect yourself without involving anyone else. And I think that’s often where boundaries get sticky bc it can sound like we’re telling others what to say, do, etc. This isn’t the case for SILENT BOUNDARIES. In silent boundaries you’re taking deep ownership over what you need and creating strategies to show up to that without involving others.

Here are 3 tips to keep in mind when communicating healthy boundaries with your loved ones:

1. Be Clear and Kind

When communicating a boundary, it’s essential to be both clear and kind. Clarity helps prevent misunderstandings, while kindness shows respect for the other person. For instance, saying, “I’d love to attend for a bit, but I’ll need to leave by 9 PM” provides both a warm expression of interest and a clear limit. Being specific about your needs can reduce confusion, and showing compassion lets the other person know you care about the relationship. This approach also reduces the likelihood of resentment, as both parties understand expectations upfront. Kindness and clarity help set the tone for a positive interaction, even when you’re setting a firm boundary.

2. Prepare for Push back

While setting boundaries, it’s natural to encounter some push back, especially if the person isn’t used to you setting limits. When this happens, it’s helpful to remain calm and grounded in your decision. You might say something like, “I just want to make sure I’m present and able to enjoy the season too.” This response is gentle and frames your boundary as a personal need rather than a restriction on others. When you prepare for potential pushback, you’re less likely to feel pressured to change your boundary. Instead, you can stand by it confidently, reinforcing that this decision supports your ability to fully enjoy the season.

3. Focus on “I” Statements

Using “I” statements when setting boundaries is a powerful tool that keeps the focus on your own needs and feelings rather than sounding accusatory. For instance, instead of saying, “You make me uncomfortable when you bring up my relationship status,” try, “I feel uncomfortable discussing my relationship status at gatherings, so I’d appreciate it if we could focus on other topics.” This subtle shift frames your request as something that supports your well-being, rather than as a critique. “I” statements invite empathy and encourage a cooperative response, showing that your boundary is about self-care and not meant to distance or exclude others.

I know WE appreciate a solid example WE CAN USE IN REAL TIME THIS SEASON, so I WANNA wrap up with 4 examples YOU CAN USE THIS SEASON:

EXAMPLE 1

SITUATION: You’re visiting family and know that certain family members tend to bring up politics or controversial topics, which often leads to tension.

BOUNDARY:

Verbal Boundary: “I’d love to keep the focus on family stories and what everyone’s been up to this year. I’ll be stepping away if things get too heated so we can all enjoy each other’s company.”
Silent Boundary: If the conversation shifts to topics you’d prefer to avoid, excuse yourself and take a short break in another room to reset.

EXAMPLE 2

SITUATION: Your schedule is already packed with holiday events, and a friend asks you to host an additional gathering, which you know will be too much for you to handle.

BOUNDARY:

Verbal Boundary: “I’d love to see everyone, but I’m keeping things simple this year to reduce stress. Let’s find another way to catch up that’s more relaxed for everyone after the New Year.”
Silent Boundary: Politely decline, or if attending feels manageable, consider bringing a dish or sharing hosting responsibilities to lessen the load without over-committing yourself.

EXAMPLE 3

SITUATION: You have family members who pressure you to eat or drink more than you’d like during holiday meals, even after you’ve politely declined.

BOUNDARY:

Verbal Boundary: “Everything looks amazing, but I’m going to enjoy what’s on my plate first and decide if I want more afterwards.”
Silent Boundary: Quietly take smaller portions or bring a beverage of your choice, focusing on what you’re comfortable with without needing to address their comments.

EXAMPLE 4

SITUATION: You’re staying with family for a few days, but need some quiet time to recharge from all the socializing.

BOUNDARY:

Verbal Boundary: “I’m going to take a quick walk or spend some time reading in my room to recharge. I’ll join everyone again in a bit!”
Silent Boundary: Take breaks throughout the day, stepping outside for a walk or finding a quiet corner to read or listen to music without needing to explain each time you step away.

As we head into the holidays, remember that boundaries are a form of REAL self-care - a way to protect your peace, joy, and presence as you navigate your season. Boundaries aren’t about limiting others or blocking out holiday cheer but about knowing and setting intentional limits with ourselves so we can show up fully and enjoy this time to the fullest. Remember that boundaries allow you to protect your energy, nurture your well-being, and stay rooted in what matters most. And I love that for us.

I love you. I’m rooting for you. And I’ll see you right here next time on The Self Care Sisterhood Podcast. 🖤🤟🏼

PS…This website includes affiliate links. If you click and purchase, I may receive a small commission at no extra cost to you. I only recommend products + tools that I have personally reviewed, love, and/or use. You can read the full statement HERE.