I tried KETAMINE THERAPY—Here’s How It Changed Me
In this post we’ll chat thru…
① Why I decided to do Ketamine Therapy
② What Ketamine Therapy is and How it can Support Mental Health
③ UNSELFING + the journey back to your truest self.
Let’s dive in. 🖤
Hello hello friends! Welcome back to the show. I’m so grateful you’re here. Three things before we dive into the meat and potatoes of today’s topic, and I promise to be really quick:
I have a goal to end 2024 and our 100th episode by getting 100 5 star reviews on apple podcasts. If you haven’t left a review and 5 stars over there, it would mean the world to me if you paused this episode, scrolled down, and left a 5 star review. this is how we spread the word about self care and self improvement and I can’t hit this goal without you. So yes…you…if you are listening and you’ve never left a review. this is your moment!
THE SISTERHOOD RETREAT IS COMING BACK THIS FEBRUARY 2025!!! 👯♀️🖤 So many of you reached out that you simply couldn’t make our last retreat work for you but that you HAD TO GET YOUR BOOTY TO THE NEXT ONE and I couldn’t agree MORE. Getting in the room to take a pause, realign yourself, and create the space and margin you need to excel forward…it’s everything. And the releases, connections, and transformations that unfolded during the September Retreat was EVERYTHING. I just want MORE WOMEN to experience this. The ladies who came had doubts - probably just like you - they were nervous, they had thoughts like “I shouldn’t spend that money on myself,” “I can’t miss work,” “Do I really need this?!”…and every concern in-between. And they all walked out saying some version “EVERY WOMAN NEEDS THIS.” And I believe that. If you are tired of playing small, if you want to be a better mom, wife, coworker, friend, insert the role you play. If you want to set some goals and really get clear about where you want life to move in 2025. If you’re burnt out and need to navigate next steps - this is for you. Head to www.inspirebeautybritt.com/retreat for all the details.
Winter 2025 in The Sisterhood Membership opens in a few weeks on November 25th and I know you’re gonna love the topic of this season - NEW YEAR | BEST YOU - How to (actually) Set and Achieve Your Goals. We’ll be talking about all things goal setting, habit formation + change, why resolutions typically don’t work, how to make a vision board for the year that you can actually work thru, and how to fall in love with the PROCESS of moving towards your goals in 2025. It’s gonna be so so good. We’ve got workshops, sweat meet ups, monthly reflection + prep sessions, monthly meet ups, book club, AND members get $500 OFF of The Sisterhood Retreat ticket, so win win if you had a nudge a second ago when I was talking about the retreat. All the info for that is in the show notes below or you can head to www.inspirebeautybritt.com/jointhesisterhood to get your name on the VIP waitlist. I email waitlisters the moment enrollment opens so you’ll be first in the loop to snag your spot.
Alright. That’s it for announcements. 5 Stars and Reviews. The Retreat is coming in February and what a GIFT you could give yourself and your loved ones to take this intentional pause. And The Membership opens soon for enrollment. Now let me transition back into today’s topic: I DID KETAMINE THERAPY AND HERE’S WHAT HAPPENED.
LET’S DIVE IN. 🖤
Charles Bukowski said, “Can you remember who you were, before the world told you who you should be?”
And that’s been circulating thru my mind a lot lately and is the true heartbeat of our topic today. We’re going to be talking about mental health and some heavy things, so I want to give this a warning ahead of time in case you’re not in a head space to handle the deeper stuff. That’s okay. Come back to this episode later. But I want to go there today bc I know someone listening is going to have a breakthru, an ah-ha, or the words to put to something that you just haven’t been able to articulate and that’s truly why I show up in this space.
Someone. Some where. At some point. Was willing to share a vulnerable piece of their story. And then I didn’t feel so alone in mine. So this is how I pay it forward. Bc you never know who is listening or needs the words you have to share.
So back to that quote - “Can you remember who you were, before the world told you who you should be?”. Well. For me…I was a silly, ambitious, smart, kind, and happy girl. I had an imagination like you wouldn’t believe. I loved to dream. I loved to play. I loved to learn. I loved being in my head and making up entire worlds there. I loved words. I read all the books I could devour and wrote. My mom even shared with me recently that I used to flip my tests over in elementary school and while I’d wait for the rest of the class to finish their exam, I’d create stories on the back of my pages. I also cared deeply for others and always wanted to make sure people were taken care of the way I saw on shows like Full House. I loved making others laugh or helping someone who was struggling. And I see threads of her woven into my life today, but I’m sure you can relate…
Over time. The dust of everyone else started covering up that silly, ambitious, smart, happy, creative, and caring girl. The opinions. The instructions. The hurts and helps. Whether well intentioned or not, our true selves have been covered in the dust of everyone else. As you get older, there’s more and more accumulation of this stuff. Creating a film over who you were created to be. That film could be a set of habits you can’t kick. A belief you play on loop about yourself all day. Or any number of things in-between. And if we’re not careful, it can cover up something that was once so confident, vibrant, and beautiful…turning it into a shadow of what it was created to be.
I’ve felt like that in my life. Maybe you too. A shadow of who I was “supposed” to be. And this terrible feeling that she’s in there…somewhere…but how the heck do I get her out? So tell me the truth. What about you? Who were you before the dust covered you up? Who are you under all that film? Do you love movies? Baking? Playing an instrument? Getting outdoors? Showing up for others? Were you funny? Brave? Curious? Did you spend time in your mind with your thoughts? Did you turn on music and choreograph a stage show? Were you okay with being bored? Did you play a sport that helped you escape for a while in your sweat and heavy breathing? Did you love being a part of a team?
What made you come alive before all the noise got in and the dust covered you up?
A huge piece of my journey with mental health has actually been coming back to HER. And in the last few years especially I’ve felt a lot of space open up to make room for her to be present. To clean out the things that no longer align with where I’m headed. And it’s messy, unsexy work friends. The kind you do in private and would rather skip over. Before I get into how this looks in real time today, I want to give you…
A QUICK RECAP + My Journey with DEPRESSION.
I’ve shared my journey with depression and mental health here on the podcast before, but today I want to give a quick recap if you’re newer around here or have never heard my story and then pick up where I’ve left off -
In 2017 I faced debilitating depression and started my first round of therapy and antidepressants.
In 2019 I tapered off of those meds, gained 20 lbs, and then set out on a journey to detox my body and get back to my healthiest self med free - mind, body, spirit.
As is the case in my life, I over-do, over-extend, strive, and work really hard to feel loved and valued by how much I do and achieve….and that work ethic wound me up in severe burnout, facing another deep spiral of depression.
Insert new meds in 2022 and with that, a journey to clawing my way out of burnout.
In 2023, I switched doctors after my husband and I moved from Dallas to Tampa and I shared with her that I had gained 20 lbs in a year on these new meds and was not happy with the way I was feeling.
For the last year she tweaked my meds, added new ones in, up-ed dosages, and eventually came to a space where she asked me if I’d ever considered Ketamine Therapy.
So that’s the elevator version of that. Not to minimize or dismiss, but to get you up to speed on where I’m at in the journey. And friends…it is a JOURNEY. Just like you get stronger and weaker at times in your physical health…the same is true in our mental health. It’s a journey. There will be seasons where your mindset is so strong and can take on the world. Where things are clear and you feel focused and intentional. And then there will be times that your mind feels like it’s barely hanging on by a thread and the smallest things can derail you, set you off, or cause you to crumble. Where you feel a little lost and start looking for the light again…almost as a guide to coming back. Both are real. Both happen to everyone. But when we find ourselves in really dark places for too, too long…it can be scary. And that’s where you turn to resources and tools and people that can help you out of the dark. Just like you’d turn to a workout program to come back into your healthiest, fittest self, you can turn to tools like therapy, medication, meditation, and quiet to come back to your healthiest, strongest mind.
WHAT IS KETAMINE THERAPY?
Now for Ketamine. When my doctor recommended I look into Ketamine Therapy I had zero clue what it was and honestly had never heard of it. I started by going to a local clinic she had referred me to. The clinic specialized in two mental health practices - Ketamine Therapy and TMS. TMS, which stands for Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation, is a non-invasive brain stimulation therapy that uses magnetic pulses to treat a number of psychiatric and neurological disorders. I actually started there when I met at the clinic and we looked into me as a candidate for TMS with insurance and all. And that’s actually where my journey with exploring those options took a pause. I left the clinic frustrated because insurance really didn’t cover much of the therapy and it was quite a bit, financially, out of pocket. I basically ruled those options out and shelved it as a “some day” option.
I’m sharing this bc that’s a real issue we all face when we’re trying to get the help we need to be our healthiest self. But friends. Don’t stop after the first door doesn’t work. Even though I shelved the idea, I never stopped thinking about it and researching both Ketamine and TMS. The more I did researched, the more I realized Ketamine, while it sounded a little scary to me, might be the path way for me. SO what is it?
Ketamine, was originally synthesized by Calvin Stevens in 1962. His team was exploring alternatives to PCP, which had gained popularity as an anesthetic but often led to severe hallucinations and agitation. Initially, though, ketamine was commonly used in veterinary practice for its reliable anesthetic qualities, especially with large animals like horses and cattle. Its rapid onset and relatively short duration made it a go-to option for veterinary surgeries. In 1920, Ketamine was approved by the FDA for use as an anesthetic for humans, particularly in battlefield and emergency medicine. It was widely used during the Vietnam War due to its quick-acting properties and safety profile compared to other anesthetics. In the 1990’s to early 2000’s, researchers at Yale began studying low-dose ketamine’s effects on depression. They observed that small doses of ketamine seemed to have a rapid, positive impact on patients with treatment-resistant depression, often within hours—something no other antidepressant had achieved. Unlike traditional antidepressants that target serotonin or dopamine, ketamine affects glutamate, a neurotransmitter associated with learning, memory, and neural plasticity. This insight helped pave the way for further exploration of ketamine’s role in repairing damaged neural pathways and fostering new ones, which is particularly helpful in cases of chronic depression. In 2019, the FDA approved esketamine, a derivative of ketamine, for the treatment of major depressive disorder, specifically in cases of treatment-resistant depression. Esketamine, administered as a nasal spray under the brand name Spravato, offered a more controlled application of ketamine’s benefits with fewer dissociative effects. Ketamine infusion therapy, which involves administering ketamine in low doses intravenously, became a popular off-label treatment for depression, PTSD, and anxiety. The low doses allow for the therapeutic benefits without inducing the same level of dissociation or hallucination as the original anesthetic doses. And now, Ketamine therapy has expanded beyond depression to address PTSD, anxiety, and even chronic pain. It's often used in conjunction with psychotherapy, with the “mind-opening” effects of ketamine helping patients access and process traumatic memories or suppressed emotions. Ketamine clinics and telehealth, at-home, options are increasingly available. The rapid and profound effects of ketamine on mood and well-being have made it one of the most promising developments in mental health treatment, particularly for individuals who have not responded to conventional therapies.
A common misconception is that Ketamine therapy is like a ‘trip’ or that it’s similar to recreational drug use. In reality, it’s a deeply guided, intentional process under the guidance and supervision of a trained therapist and doctor. The sessions are carefully monitored, ensuring both safety and support throughout the experience. Ketamine therapy is not about escaping reality; rather, it’s about gently peeling back the layers of ourselves so that we can confront and heal what lies beneath. This isn’t something to undertake on your own. The work I’ve been doing has always been with medical and therapeutic guidance. These sessions are structured to be safe, supportive, and rooted in care and healing.
SO. LET’S TALK ABOUT What the Experience Has Been Like for Me
I told ya’ll that I had shelved the idea of Ketamine therapy, but hadn’t stopped thinking about it. It was actually AT The Sisterhood Retreat (another reason and plug why I think you HAVE TO get in rooms like this) that the topic of Ketamine therapy was brought up. Not by me, but by one of the women there. On the first night we were sharing a bit about ourselves and our journeys and Kori, my friend and the facilitator of our breath and cold plunges for the weekend, shared about how everything good in her life is a result of her husband modeling it or nudging her to do so. That’s how she got into cold plunging and breath work and that’s why she loves to teach the practice and tools to others now. It changed his life and it changed her life. She took the story back, though, and shared about her husband coming out of the military due to injury and his journey towards healing. In passing, she stated that Ketamine therapy was one of the tools he used. I didn’t say anything at the time, but I took it as a divine download moment. Here I was thinking Ketamine was this go-to-the-desert-and-trip-in-the-moonlight kinda thing that felt taboo, and here she was saying that her husband who fought proudly for our country used it to heal from some pretty insane PTSD. My curiousity peeked and I told the women at the end of the weekend that my September goal was to research and find a place where I could afford to do this treatment and my October goal was to DO the treatment. That’s another plug about the retreat - I don’t let you set a big goal and just go home. I actually challenge your goals and make you create short term, bite size goals that help you chip away at what it is your truly want to achieve. Piece by piece. So it isn’t overwhelming. And also. I don’t let you set goals and watch you do the work. I set goals right along side of you and show you that I’m human IN the work as well.
So that’s how I got to the place where I found an at-home ketamine therapy provider and embarked on my journey.
October was simultaneously the longest, most mentally strenuous month AND the calmest, slowest, most savory month I’ve had in a long time. I want to walk you thru the entire process - so like the nitty gritty details + logistics of the process, but also my overall experience. I feel like this might help someone understand it better bc, like I said, I had zero experience with Ketamine Therapy so I was super green to it all.
how many sessions DID I DO AND WHERE?
I did 9 sessions of Ketamine Therapy in total, so twice per week. And I opted for an at-home therapy - and I have to say - I’m really glad I did it at home for my first time. It felt like a safe space where I could control the environment and make it the exact vibe I wanted vs being in a doctor’s office. I was also really nervous about the psychodelic part of the medicine bc I’d never done any sort of drug like that before and that made me nervous since I didn’t know what to expect…and also really vulnerable feeling bc I felt like I’d be exposed in front of my husband.
WHAT WAS THE INITIAL PROCESS LIKE BEFORE I STARTED?
Once I found the company I wanted to use, I had to get approved for treatment. After that process, I met with a doctor online who decided on my treatment plan and doseage. From there, a pharmacy sent me a kit that had a blood pressure cuff, journal, eye mask, and all of the meds I needed for the 9 sessions (just for insight - there are two meds I took - a chewable anti nausea med and then a dissolvable ketamine tablet that I place under my tongue). Along with the kit I had a virtual prep session to make sure I didn’t have any questions before starting. Probably the best part, though, is they have an app that guides you thru each session in detail with journal prompts, videos to watch, and a curated playlist to use during treatment. It really is self paced and I loved that I could work this into my life even despite it being two sessions a week.
WHAT DOES A SESSION LOOK LIKE?
I decided to do the sessions on Wednesdays and Sundays. You are supposed to have a certain amount of days in between each session so this is what worked best for me. I’ll say, we got hit with two hurricanes back to back here in Florida and even with that, I was still able to do the treatments and work them in. I think that’s the beauty of the self paced, at home therapy - again, esp for my first time. I didn’t have to skip a beat even when circumstances weren’t ideal.
Prior to each session, I set my bedroom up to be a vibe. I bought a weighted blanket and made sure the pillows were all fluffed and set. I closed the blinds and turned on the fan so it was cool and dark. I had essential oils going and meditations prepped while I started the treatment to set a peaceful tone. And I was able to get comfy in my bed with headphones, my playlist, and an eye mask nearby. Each session I started by taking the anti nausea meds 30 minutes prior. Food I stopped 4 hours before the treatment and drinks, 2 hours before. I also made sure not to have any caffiene on treatment days which was a little tough at first, but I bought a decaf bean to have on hand so I didn’t miss the whole vibe of coffee on those days and that worked well for me. I also made sure on treatment days that I was pretty unplugged from social media and really media in general. If you know me you know I love a good true crime documentary and this whole month I gave those up so that I was only putting really positive content into my eyes and ears.
My husband, Charles, did a training to make sure he understood the process and was home during every treatment to make sure I was under supervision and supported. This is key. You have to have someone home with you to check on your periodically and make sure you’re okay as you come out of your meds. I also put him on dinner duty on my treatment days so I didn’t have anything to do those days but my treatment. Not required but just thought I’d throw that in there. 😜
Once the room was set, I worked thru the journal prompts and prep work in the app while I waited on the nausea meds. Then I would place the tablets under my tongue and let them dissolve. The thing I was most weirded out by in my first few treatments was that my mouth went numb. It makes sense now bc it’s a anesthetic, but in the first few treatments it freaked me out bc I didn’t know where my tongue was in my mouth. They tell you to hold the liquid in your mouth for 12-15 minutes and then you can either spit it out in a cup or swallow it. The main difference between spitting and swallowing is in duration of how long the meds last. For the first 5 I didn’t swallow and for the final 4 I did. One of the benefits of swallowing is they said a lot of patients find relief from chronic pain. I have this toe thing I’ve been battling for awhile now and so I wanted to see if it would help - I’m happy to say that I think it did.
Anyways, once I placed the tablet in my mouth, I turned on my meditation app and put on noise cancelling headphones. I did a 10 minute meditation while I waited with the liquid in my mouth and then switched over to the playlist they gave me for the session and put my eye mask on to start the treatment.
WHAT HAPPENS DURING THE SESSION?
It’s hard to describe just how deeply the experience goes and the exact sensations. I also want to be careful not to say that my experience will be what YOU would experience. Everyone is different. I will say that I never really had vivid visions of reality. Most of my visions and anything psychodelic was fictional looking. A lot of blacks and neon greens and purples. During these sessions, there’s soundscape-y music going and I definitely would see the colors moving to the music. I was almost ashamed to admit at first…or also a little confused as to why…but what I saw the most were sketelons and ghost like figures (not the halloween ghosts, but more like the scream mask and black cape kind of ghost. I went into this treatment looking for what was blocking me. I felt blocked in everything in life - from my business to being a mom to creativity to next steps to my bank account. Just blocked. And I felt like these ghost figures and skeletons weren’t helping much with what I was trying to get out of this therapy. And then I realized that, for me, the figures kept dissolving away. And as they’d dissolve, I kept getting to almost the bottom of a pit, like there was no where else to go. It wasn’t scary. It was just happening. And that’s hard to describe in words. But basically I went from being awake, to my mask being on and the music playing, to watching things pass my by like a movie screen, to then being in a place where I felt “awake” again and that’s when I’d pull the mask back and slowly come back into the room. The sessions were usually 60 minutes in the beginning, but as I increased doseage they would go more 90 minutes to two hours. I definitely know I would fall asleep for a chunk of time but I can’t really pinpoint and exact moment when I knew I was awake vs not.
After the session, like I said I would come back into the space. I was only really loopy one of the times, but mostly I felt in a daze…confused and slow. There were times when I was very emotional coming out and I didn’t really know why, but I let myself sob anyway. And one of the times I immediately asked my husband when we were starting the coffee shop we always talk about. I would usually fall back asleep for an hour or so and then I’d try to get up, eat something, and be gentle with myself for the rest of the day. Laying on the couch. Sitting outside. Slow walks. Play a game with family. Things like that.
UNSELFING + the Idea that "Something Needs to Die for New Life to Emerge”
One of the most powerful aspects of this therapy has been the calm it’s brought into my life. I have to say that for most of the month there wasn’t this switch flipped where I could say I had a big ah-ha or I’m cured of _____. But rather, it felt like a curiousity. Like more space in my brain to say “huh…that’s interesting.” To sit back and observe without emparting emotion or opinion to something. Without being so quick to label, but rather to sit in the thoughts and feelings.
It was really frustrating for me bc I wanted to “manhandle” this journey and have the breakthru and figure out the block. I picked up a book during this process called “The Unplugged Hours” by one of my fave authors, Hannah Brencher and it was one of those moments where I realized the words she had wrote were almost hand crafted for me. I can’t tell you how much is underlined in this book and has been perfectly timed with this journey. One morning after feeling so frustrated that this treatment wasn’t working and that I had maybe wasted my time and money, I opened her book to read this:
“I’ve been thinking about the idea of wonder and awe and wondering when it slipped out the back door for me. I recently read a series of studies from researchers at the University of California, Berkeley, who set out to explore the effects awe and wonder have on us. In one study, they took two groups of people and exposed one group to an experience that induced a sense of wonder. The other group was not given the same experience. Both groups were asked to draw a picture of themselves afterward. Those who had experienced wonder drew themselves significantly smaller in the picture than those who had not experienced wonder. We’ve all encouraged that sense of awe-inspired smallness — whether we’ve lain beneath a starry sky or sat and watched ocean waves crashing toward the shore. It’s not the kind of smallness that makes us feel insignificant or worthless, it’s a deep sense that we’re enveloped in something far more vast and intricate than we ever imagined. This phenomenon has an ironic name. It’s called “unselfing.””
Ya’ll. This was it. This was the jackpot. The ah-ha. The download. The thing I couldn’t put words to. Up until that point I didn’t tell anyone about the ghosts or skeletons dissolving bc it felt dark and I was really unsure of any meaning. But after reading this I realized that was what was happening to me this whole time. I was unselfing. I was allowing pieces of my ego to die that no longer need to come with me. I was making room and finding myself at the bottom of nothing within infinite space around me. Less noise. Less distractions. Less dust.
I’m coming back to myself after being away for a long time. One of the biggest mantras I’ve been repeating to myself is this:
Make room. Clean out. Come back as who you already are.
It’s a reminder that at the core, our truest selves have always been there, waiting for us to let go of the noise. Dissolve the pieces of us that are holding us back. The act of unselfing, I’m learning, is a return to ourselves, to the parts that have always been in there and will always remain.
You don’t have to go thru 9 rounds of Ketamine therapy to ask these question. You can explore it right here with me and that’s the beauty of this gift I get to exchange with you today. You now get to come with me and ask yourself who were you before the world told you what you should be? What pieces of your self need to dissolve and disappear bc they were never really you to begin with? What hurts and traumas is it time to clean out so you can make room in your heart for new life to grow?
For me, this has meant releasing the parts of myself that were built on fear, expectations, and perfectionism. I’m confronting the ways I’ve been holding myself back, the voices in my head that tell me I’m not enough or that I need to be more, the lie that in order to be loved I have to do, do, DO. It’s a shedding. And each layer I shed brings me closer to who I’m truly meant to be. Maybe you’re going through this too. Maybe you’re feeling a pull to make a change or sensing that certain areas of your life no longer fit. This ‘unselfing’ process often shows up as discomfort, a sense that something isn’t right, or that a new season is calling you to be braver, lighter, and freer. When you’re in the thick of it, it’s not always clear, but over time, you start to see that the things that feel uncomfortable are also the things that need to go. And let’s be real. Letting go of these parts isn’t easy. I won’t pretend it’s just a smooth process; it’s layered and sometimes painful. We grieve these parts, even if they didn’t serve us, because they were familiar, comfortable. But on the other side of that discomfort is growth, a more real version of who we are meant to be. And you know I’m always gonna tell you that growth looks good on you.
Reflection Exercise: What Needs to “Die” SO YOU CAN Step Into YOUR Fullest SelF?
So, as we wrap up today, I want you to reflect on this question: What needs to die in you for you to step into your fullest self? Think about the beliefs you’ve been carrying or habits that keep you playing small. What parts of you were built to protect you but might be holding you back now?
"Make Room, Clean Out, Come Back as Who You Already Are"
Over the next week, take some time to journal or just sit quietly with this question. Try listing one or two things you know it’s time to release. It doesn’t have to be big; even small releases can create powerful shifts over time. By clearing out what no longer serves, you’re making space for new growth, deeper peace, and a more authentic you. And I love that for you.
I’m rooting for you. I’m unselfing right along side of you. And I can’t wait to see you right here, next week, on The Self Care Sisterhood Podcast.
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