4 BOUNDARIES that are game changers for GROWTH š±
In this post weāll chat thruā¦
ā A new way to VIEW YOUR BOUNDARIES
ā” 4 BOUNDARIES to consider setting in your life
ā¢ QUESTIONS + IDEAS as you set new BOUNDARIES
LETāS DIVE IN. š¤
Happy Wednesday SELF CARE SISTERHOOD community!!! Todayās topic is going to be a game changer if youāve been struggling with boundariesā¦Iāve got such a fresh perspective and some really helpful tips to considerā¦but before we get into that I gotta make sure you are in the KNOW bc THIS FRIDAY (like in two daysā¦Sept 1st) we are kicking off FALL ENROLLMENT for The Sisterhood Membership.
Quick recap if youāre not sure what Iām talking aboutā¦ š
The Self Care Sisterhood is a virtual self care community for hard working women who also want to include THEMSELVES on their to do list. The sisterhoodās mission is to provide tools, resources, and community that equip and empower you to take care of YOURSELF (mind, body, + spirit), so you can go out into the world and LOVE + SERVE from the overflow. Each season there is a topic centered on various themes surrounding ALL THINGS self care.
The Sisterhood Membership is full of the most incredible women like:
ā½ļøthe goal driven woman who wants to focus on what matters most
ā½ļøthe woman taking care of herself so that she can care for others well + be an example
ā½ļøthe woman who is trying to level up in life and needs tools to help her grow.
ā½ļøthe woman wearing all the hats and she desperately wants to wear them well.
ā½ļøand the woman who craves authentic community that inspires her to be her best self + go after her dreams.
I show up inside The Sisterhood Membership to inspire you and push you to be YOUR BEST SELF. And I am constantly blown away by how inclusive, encouraging, and compassionate the women in there are. It's not a ME thingā¦it's a WE thing. In The Sisterhood Membership, you aren't alone on your journey and I'm not kidding you when I say it's the BEST PLACE to hang on the internet.
This FALL THE TOPIC IS āBEYOND BURNOUT.ā
Recovering from chronic stress.
Recharging our spirits.
And reclaiming control in our lives for what matters most.
If youāre ready toā¦
ā«ļøstop living overwhelmed, stressed, and on the brink of burn outā¦
ā«ļøimplement healthier ways to cope with the daily (inevitable) stress in your lifeā¦
ā«ļøgain clarity + focus + intention on what truly matters MOST to you in this seasonā¦
ā«ļøand do it all surrounded by a group of women who GET YOU + are on JOURNEY WITH YOUā¦
THEN THE SISTERHOOD MEMBERSHIP IS THE SPACE FOR YOU!
We kick off enrollment FRIDAY (Sept 1st) thru Sept 10th and once the doors close we wonāt reopen again until December so you donāt want to miss out. This season is gonna be such a beautiful way for us to GROW TOGETHER beyond burnout and I canāt wait to welcome you in! Link below to make sure youāre on my email list bc Friday Iāll be sending you the link to snag your spot!
Okay ON THAT NOTEā¦letās dive into todayās topicā¦BOUNDARIES.
When you think of self care, the first thing that comes to mind might not be BOUNDARIES. š But stick with meā¦bc the more I dig into all things self care (and realizing that itās MORE THAN BUBBLE BATHS)ā¦Iām seeing that self care truly becomes about taking deep ownership over your life. Caring for you so that you can go out into the world and do great thingsā¦to love and serve others wellā¦to show up to you callings, passions, and purposeā¦to have the energy and capacity to THRIVE over just survive.
And in order to do thatā¦I feel like BOUNDARIES BELONG in that discussion. Esp because we live in such an inter-connected world. The demands of work, relationships, your personal goals, and even comparing yourself to Sally on the Instagram can easily lead to overwhelm and burnout. As I was researching burnout for this seasonās theme in The Membership, I realized that BOUNDARIES play a HUGE role.
Boundaries serve as layers of PROTECTION that allow you to establish a healthy blending between your personal needs and the demands of the outside world. The intention behind boundaries is not to make you feel restricted or unfulfilled. Rather, they are meant to protect your energy, values, well being and essence.
WALLS. FIELDS. AND FENCES.
Think of boundaries like a house. You could totally put up a brick wall around your house and let nothing in. People. Opportunities. Etc. But we can already tell that even if thatās our go-to response is to shut things outā¦healthy boundaries canāt be like a wall bc even though you might feel like youāre protecting yourselfā¦inevitably youāre going to miss all the good things that canāt make their way to you. So we canāt put walls up for all thingsā¦for all time.
On the other end of the spectrum, healthy boundaries wouldnāt look like a home in a wide open field with nothing protecting it like windows and doorsā¦fences and gates. If that were the case you would be at the mercy of EVERYTHING that comes around you and that would become overwhelming and ultimately maybe even feel used. Not everything can or should have access to you. A lack of boundaries inevitably brings a lack of respect.
Somewhere in the middle is this idea of having windows and doorsā¦fences and gates. Things that allow access to people and opportunities, but also allow you the space to decide how much access things get AND what matters most to YOU. Think about it. Windows and doors to a home can be open and they can be shut. You can decide what comes inside and is closest. Gates allow the same thing, but maybe farther access points. And then fences are barriers that protect you from anything you decide does not deserve access.
One of the myths of boundaries is that we set them in an attempt to CHANGE or FIX someone else. This is not the case. Boundaries are a way to ADVOCATE for YOURSELF.
Look at which areas of your life have felt draining recently. Where have you been lacking energy? Where has there been discomfort? These are good areas to begin setting up boundaries that will truly serve you.
ā BOUNDARIES AROUND YOUR RELATIONSHIPS (including yourself).
We all have different needs in our relationships and those needs look different depending on if itās friendships, family, your intimate partner, or even simply acquaintances..we TEACH people how to TREAT us.
The more Iāve learned about MEā¦and just humans in generalā¦the more I feel like Iām able to set boundaries that respect my needs and the needs of others. The 5 Love Languages + The Enneagram have helped me with this BIG TIME. Just realizing how others tick (and that it might be a little different from me) can help me build better relationships with the people that matter most to me. And part of building better relationships means I ALSO have to build a better relationship with myself. This isnāt always easy work because we live in connection with others.
You will become like the five people you surround yourself with. Seriously. Think about who that is for you. I imagine you talk a certain way. Maybe dress a certain way. Or even have similar loves or hates for the same things. When I took inventory of this in my life and started considering the habits, routines, and behaviors of the people I spent the most time withā¦I realized I WAS REFLECTING those same habits, routines, and behaviors. There were times in my life that this was NOT pretty and I had to do the hard work of finding a new circle of influence.
A COUPLE THINGS TO CONSIDERā¦
When is the last time you gave yourself SOLITUDE? Or dove into understanding yourself better?
Can you read a book or take a test or go to an event that will help you uncover more about how you tick?
Can you give yourself time in the morning or night to check in with yourself before checking in with the world?
Can you meditate or journal more regularly? Maybe get into therapy and do more inner work?
Who are the people who drain you but tend to want access to you? Who is toxic? I know itās not easy to simply cut someone out of your life and often this looks like a progressive step back. Is there a way you can pull back on the time you allow them access to you?
Who are the people that matter most to you?
Do you know what matters to THEM? Do they get access to you often? Are you sharing intimate pieces of life with them? This builds that bond and strengthens your relationship when you can show up in meaningful ways to and for them.
ā” BOUNDARIES AROUND YOUR WORK
Conversations around work boundaries are becoming more common esp with how easy it is to access people all day every day AND with new work from home scenarios that so many people have ventured into in the recent years. Basically employers + clientsā¦students + parents can reach you at all times.
And with itās easy to create an expectation that youāre always reachable - even in your off-hours.
Even if your employer doesnāt necessarily expect you to respond at 10pm, if you see their name pop-up in your inbox, thereās almost always this tendency or pressure to want to check the message just to ensure itās not something urgent. Or, simply to appear like a dedicated employee. And even if you tell yourself youāll respond laterā¦after you open the message chances are youāre going to feel the need to respond (even if itās not urgent) just so you donāt forget.
Does this scenario sound familiar to anyone else or is it just me? š
The problem is when we constantly check and respond to messages, we set a dangerous precedent that weāre still working or reachable at these times, and the boundary between work and home life continues to become blurred, ladies. Which in turnā¦leads to that overwhelm and burnout bc our piles just keep getting larger and larger. This is REAL for me yaāll bc most of my messages arenāt in the form of email. They are on social and I desperately want to appear āsocialā to my community. But if Iām constantly glued to my inbox and my feed itās just not a healthy boundary. Even if Iām āONā socialā¦it doesnāt mean Iām āON.ā
Hopefully this is resonating. Here are a few things to consider:
What are the hours that you are expected to work? Or if you have a little more freedom and flexibility in that areaā¦what hours would you ideally like to work?
Based on thatā¦can you establish set work hours? Can you communicate these to your employer or clients or even family if youāre doing a WFH job or a side hustle? And bc we talked about boundaries as you taking OWNERSHIP over your lifeā¦how can you create more DISCIPLINE for yourself in those windows?
Can you set a new precedent by only responding to messages and requests in those hours? Pro tip: even if youāre working outside of these hours, donāt physically send the message! Draft the email and schedule it to go out during those business hours.
Game changer for meā¦can you turn off notifications or delete apps to help yourself out? Maybe a nighttime ritual becomes turning off notifications for certain appsā¦
Consider WHO YOU ARE BEYOND WHAT YOU DO. Can you create other nighttime and morning rituals that help you to separate yourself from your work and the rest of your life?
Can you create an END OF DAY āshut downā ritual (esp if you work from home) to signal to your brain that work is done? For me this often looks like checking in on my focus for the day, planning out my day tomorrow, and then tidying up my office space, shutting my laptop, and going for a walk.
ā¢ BOUNDARIES AROUND YOUR TIME + ENERGY.
A main reason for setting boundaries for meā¦and I imagine for you tooā¦is what we get on the other side in terms of our TIME + our ENERGY. Itās about protecting + honoring those. This is where the word NO comes into play. I talked about this over here but you have FULL PERMISSION to say NO when itās not a heck yes.
How are you spending your time? Who are you spending time with? And if they arenāt ENERGY GIVERSā¦but ratherā¦ENERGY SUCKERSā¦itās time to make some shifts.
A couple things that are helpful for me:
Whenever you leave an encounter with someone ask yourself if your energy is BETTER or WORSE than when you first found them? If I leave a lunch date with someone who gossiped and complained the entire time Iām typically drained. On the flip side, if I have coffee with a girlfriend who is telling me all about her new business and rooting for me in my progress and updates I feel so much more energetic. Itās KEY to figure out who ENERGY VAMPIRES are in your life and start spending less time with them.
Think about how your physical self care is playing a role in your energy levels. Are you giving TIME to taking care of yourself? Or is life just too ābusy.ā Sleep. Hydration. Movement. Food. It all matters. Is your physical self care routine non existent? Aka not energy giving? Are you overdoing it with over-training, obsessing over your diet, etc? And itās sucking all of your energy? Or can you find a sweet spot in the middle where your body thrives?
Track how youāre spending your time. This is a SUPER helpful way for me to SEE where Iām giving my time to. We all have the same amount of time in our days but we donāt all get the same amount of time on this planet. Use it like the gift it is. Time suckers like social media scrolling, procrastinating, numbing out, saying YES to everything, under valuing yourself, multi-taskingā¦they arenāt leaving you better than they found you. So itās time to ditch them and start living a life youāre in LOVE with.
ā£ BOUNDARIES AROUND YOUR FINANCES.
This one might be a newer one for you to consider but hear me outā¦if you donāt have boundaries over your finances Iām going to guess youāre broke. When we donāt have a good relationship or mindset with our money it can be really draining.
If weāre constantly purchasing what other people are telling us to, it can be easy to disconnect from what we truly want or love. And this is SO REAL in our social selling world. Itās SO EASY to click a button and not give a single thought to where your money is going or if itās even something YOU truly want.
More often than not, buying what Sally has on the internet is a way for us to detach from deep stuff going on. This isnāt about cutting your budget so much that you can never spend when you want something, but it is about creating more intention around these purchases. If your Sunday morning latte from a nearby coffee shop brings you joy, Iām never going to tell you to ditch that. But I will nudge you to make sure that there is a feel-good energy exchange with the purchases youāre making, rather than simply making impulse purchases for stuff you donāt really need.
I had to work on this BIG TIME when I was in the classroom and coming out that time. I would buy whatever was in season and then by the following year I wouldnāt love it as much as the NEW seasonal things and so I just started accumulating JUNK that sparked zero joy. I had to get honest and disciplined around my spending and stick to spending based on needs and future goals.
Setting a budget that aligns with your values and goals can be helpful in giving you the confidence that youāre making decisions that reflect who you are, and that will serve you long term.
If you need more help in this areaā¦
Create a simple spreadsheet for yourself. Every Thursday I take a second to update mine (itās on my focus list for the day!). I review how much money came in that week and how much I spent. This has been EYE OPENING for me bc we really can confront things when we track them.
What purchases bring you the most joy? Which bring you the least? Can you shift your budget to reflect that?
If you took a look around your space, how much money was spent on things you no longer like, donāt use, or donāt need? This can help give you clarity around your values! And. If possibleā¦can you SELL or DONATE anything that you no longer need and go a little more minimal? Something that is helpful (and maybe a little morbid) is remembering that I came to earth with nothing and I will leave with nothing. I donāt want my stuff to be a burden for someone else.
Unfollow accounts and unsubscribe from emails that encourage you to make purchases that you donāt truly want to make. Can I get an AMEN on this one?! Esp with the holidays coming up!
Get into the habit of putting things in your cart, and then not checking out right away, instead returning a day or two later to see if you still want the item. I also do this in physical stores. I will put something in my cart and walk around to see if I actually want/need it and most times I take it out before leaving the store. Having a list is helpful too in order to make sure I go into Target and only get what I came for ha!
Setting boundaries is this DEEP WORK of self care that allows us to start protecting our energy and resources. If youāre constantly letting everything be URGENT or youāre constantly letting others DICTATE how you spend your time, money + energyā¦ it might be time to create some focus + intention on what matters most to YOUā¦who you want to spend your time with and how you want to spend that precious time. Because youāre worth it sis.
Forever and always rooting for you. Until next weekā¦how can you find ways woven throughout your day to day to TAKE CARE OF YOU so that you can go out into the world and LOVE + SERVE from that overflow?
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