Your BIGGEST Q’s about my MENTAL HEALTH JOURNEY ANSWERED.
In today’s post we’ll chat thru…
① My journey with mental health.
② Your BIGGEST Q’s surrounding my MENTAL HEALTH JOURNEY
③ A list of resources if you or someone you love is struggling
LET’S DIVE IN. 🖤
If you’ve followed along the podcast and my journey for awhile you know that I am very open with my mental health journey. I made a decision about 7 years ago to get professional help for my depression and it’s been a 7 year long journey of ups, downs, and lots of messy middle.
7 years ago, when I was in a really low place, a friend of mine told me that with God…nothing is wasted. Every MESS can become a MESSAGE OF HOPE for someone else if you’ll be courageous enough to share. Sometimes when we’re in the dark it’s hard to see how our story has any value…or how we’ll even make it to the other side to even share it. I get that. I’ve lived that out. I know what it’s like to be in a dark space that feels like there will be no end. And. I also know that coming back into the light I look around and realize there are so many people I can provide HOPE for with my story. It’s the kind of hope I LONGED FOR in my darkest nights and it’s my honor to pass that hope along to any human who needs it. That’s my prayer for this space today - a prayer of HOPE…a prayer of HEALING. Some LIGHT in the DARKNESS.
Today’s episode is sensitive and I hope you hear my heart…it’s to inspire you to find tools + resources + hope in your journey, whether you’re struggling or know someone who is. I want you to know you’re not alone. I want you to know you matter so so much. And I want you to know that every storm will pass. This moment…if you’re struggling…it won’t last forever. And if someone you love is struggling, share this resource with them bc you never know what a word of encouragement can do.
I wanted to do something a little different today and turn this episode around…I’m going to be answering your biggest questions when it comes to my MENTAL HEALTH JOURNEY. Things like how I knew it was time to get help, how I told my husband and my loved ones, and what’s motivating me now when life gets hard or heavy. I’m going to dive deep into this and I am so excited to answer your biggest questions surrounding this topic.
Your BIGGEST Q’s about my MENTAL HEALTH JOURNEY:
HOW DID YOU KNOW YOU NEEDED TO GET HELP?
Gosh. This is a fully loaded question and I’m excited to start here. There are a few moments in my life looking back I can start to see where my mental health was not well. I definitely remember it in transition when I moved from Michigan after graduating college to Miami to start my first teaching job in the classroom. I was young and I just brushed it off to the move and kept powering thru, but looking back this was a pretty low time in my life and I ended up turning to other things to escape how I was feeling. I also remember vividly having what I now know is a panic attack during that season as well. Again. I didn’t really know what I didn’t know so I just powered thru.
But the time when I couldn’t power thru anymore was when I transitioned from Miami to California. We often forget to talk about all the things we leave behind when we move. I had left behind more than physical things, ya know? I left behind a CHAPTER of myself. Friendships. A career. Coworkers and students. My passion for coaching in the performing arts. My identity as I had known it truly was GONE. And in this transition I leaned heavily on my faith. I had to grab onto something BIGGER than me, ya know? Because it got kinda scary and kinda dark. I started…not just occasionally…but continually thinking that I wouldn’t be missed if I was gone. That I didn’t matter much. And that the world might just be fine without me in it. So when this way of thinking was my new normal, I knew I needed to get help.
And here’s the truth. Having someone label the crazy, dark ways I’ve been feeling was LIFE GIVING for me. It was like I could finally stop hiding + attempting to fool people and be HONEST. So just know that sometimes it’s just simply getting ACKNOWLEDGED by a doctor can be the thing that tips the scales for us in our healing.
I’M SO EMBARRASSED + ASHAMED. HOW DID YOU GET PAST THIS?
I love the rawness of this question so much. So first off…if this is you asking this or feeling this…please know I’m so grateful we get to dig into this. You aren’t alone and I see you. Feeling embarrassed or ashamed about your mental health struggles is entirely understandable and you're not alone in these feelings…society has taught us to feel that way. But I also want you to know that YOU AREN’T YOUR FEELINGS. Just bc it’s a feeling doesn’t make it a fact. And just bc we feel a certain way doesn’t mean it will always be that way. I think that’s the one thing I have to remind myself over and over again. THIS FEELING WON’T LAST. THIS FEELING WON’T LAST. THIS FEELING WON’T LAST. So I try hard not to make decisions based on how I’m feeling.
That being said, your emotions are going to be a huge piece of your mental health journey. Embarrassment. Feeling ashamed. All of it. Because we can’t physically SEE someone’s brain in struggle, we often tell ourselves the lie that we should hide the way we’re feeling or the thoughts we’re thinking. One way I worked through this was by realizing that mental health issues are just like any other health problem—nothing to be ashamed of. Just as you wouldn't feel embarrassed about going to a doctor for an injury, you shouldn't feel ashamed of seeking help for your mental well-being. One of the things that actually pushed me to get back on meds was watching The Ozarks and seeing the character of Wendy Byrde’s brother, Ben struggle with bipolar disorder. It truly inspired me and helped me feel seen. He did such an amazing job portraying the battle that is our mental health and towards the end of his journey, Wendy says something about not helping him the way she should’ve. That if he had a headache, she would’ve given him Tylenol, and essentially why was this any different. That scene has always stuck with me bc TBH at the time I watched that episode I was feeling embarrassed and ashamed and really alone in my suffering. Even though I had been down this road before, I figured no one wanted to hear about my mental struggles so I should keep quiet. I also still thought maybe I could just power thru and it would pass. False. And even worse…I felt like a failure for struggling again. It was that moment. Watching that show. That was my gift. Bc I realized that I was allowing mental health to stay hidden like society had taught me. And I had a choice NOT TO HIDE anymore. Just like with the physical stuff we can see. The more I can use my voice and normalize when I’m struggling, the more I can offer hope and inspo to someone else. And the same is true for you.
We don’t WANT to feel depressed. We don’t WANT our mental health to struggle. So I get that it’s common to feel embarrassed or ashamed. But I want you to know that it’s not your fault. You didn’t do this to yourself. So be proud of asking for help. Of saying I’m not okay. And for taking the courageous steps to mend something no one else can see. And if you’re supporting someone who is struggling, how can you release the grip of shame over them? How can you make that person feel seen and understood exactly in their mess?
And remember how I said having someone finally put a label to what we’ve been feeling can be live giving? It’s true. They can point the way toward proper treatment, solutions, and basic understanding of what we’re going thru. That to me has helped me shed some of the taboo feelings associated with mental illness. But here’s the deal and it’s where I’m gonna be super honest with you…
WE ARE IN REAL DANGER IF WE ALLOW OUR DIAGNOSIS TO BECOME OUR IDENTITY AND AN EXCUSE FOR WHY WE CAN’T HELP OURSELVES.
And stick with me…yes I said excuse. When someone has cancer we don’t call them cancerous. That person is MORE than their illness, right? And bc of that, they have the power to fight against it or live a life that isn’t entirely defined and made up of cancer. Labeling the whole of yourself and submitting that “this is just the way it is” is a scary place to find yourself in. If you label the whole of yourself as “depressed” or “anxious” then you not only miss the complexity of being human and reduce yourself to ONE THING (which is just not true for anyone), but you also ROB YOURSELF of the AGENCY YOU HAVE FOR CHANGE + TO HEAL. So you can face and fight debilitating depression. You can feel embarrassed. You can feel ashamed. But you can also feel joyful. You can also be happy and laugh. You can be more than one thing. And the more we allow ourselves to feel and be more than one thing, the less and less we have to hide our emotions.
HOW LONG DID IT TAKE TO FEEL BETTER? WHAT SHOULD I EXPECT?
This journey is different for everyone and your healing is NEVER linear. Your journey is unique and will depend on factors like the severity of your mental health condition, the effectiveness of treatment, and the coping mechanisms you use. For me, it took a combination of therapy, medication, and lifestyle changes to start feeling better, but it was not an overnight process. Let me repeat…IT WAS NOT an overnight process. The medication took time not only for it to work on my brain and body but also to figure out the right dosage. This is a months long process where I worked alongside of my doctor to figure out what worked. In the beginning I felt worse before I felt better. Large emotional moments. Dizziness and exhaustion. Upset stomach and no appetite. But then as the months passed…it felt in my head like what was once a dark sky finally had a crack in it where light could start to come thru. Like the clouds were parting. I’m not sure if that’s everyone’s experience, but for me it really felt like the light was coming back.
I’ll also share that I’ve gained significant weight on the different medications I’ve tried, too, and that’s a part of the journey a lot of people don’t openly talk about. It’s hard to be struggling mentally and then to also feel uncomfortable in your skin. So even when my meds were working, I was behind the scenes tweaking my lifestyle choices, too. It's essential to be patient and realistic about your expectations. I know you want to heal quickly and sometimes you don’t feel like you have much more to give. But hang on. It’s coming. You’re returning back to YOU. Improvements may feel gradual, and setbacks can occur along the way, but what's important is that you stay committed to your treatment plan and you’re kind to yourself throughout the process. Healing is not linear.
WHAT MEDS DO YOU TAKE?
So let me start by saying that the decision to take medication for mental health struggles is a highly personal one and should be made in consultation with a qualified healthcare professional. In my case, I started my journey in 2017 with Zoloft and am currently taking a combination of Lexapro and Wellbutrin. These meds have been prescribed to me by my psychiatrist. It's important to note that medication is just one component of a comprehensive treatment plan and is often used in alongside of therapy and lifestyle changes. Finding the right medication and dosage may require some trial and error, so it's essential to communicate openly with your healthcare provider about any concerns or side effects you may experience.
NATURAL WAYS TO HELP WITH MOOD?
Which brings me to my next point. Meds are only ONE area to help when you’re struggling. Just like if you were sick and you took some medicine, that might help, but ultimately you might want to stay home and rest, too, right? Our mental health journey is the same. There are MANY THINGS you can do to help support your mind. So YES….I take my meds and dig into therapy, but I also have a lot of natural methods to improve my mood and support my overall mental well-being. The most helpful things for me include moving my body regularly, getting quality sleep, meditation, getting outside, lowering my alcohol consumption, journaling + reading books that empower me, cold exposure therapy, attending church + staying rooted in faith, reading fiction, hanging out with friends, and doing things just for fun like DIY’s and furniture flips. When I can COMBINE my meds with these daily choices that help empower me, I see WAY better results.
What MOTIVATES YOU WHEN LIFE GETS HARD OR YOU GET REALLY LOW?
When life throws challenges my way or I find myself struggling emotionally, several things help me stay motivated and resilient. Firstly, maintaining a sense of purpose and focusing on my long-term goals keeps me grounded and motivated to keep moving forward, even when things get tough. Secondly, drawing on the support of my loved ones and seeking guidance from my therapist provides me with strength and perspective during difficult times. Lastly, practicing self-care activities such as exercise, journaling, and spending time doing things I enjoy helps me recharge and maintain a positive outlook, even in the face of adversity.
What are the top 3 changes that HAVE made the biggest difference?
Focusing on rest. This one is a game changer, ya’ll. The way my brain works…the type of person I am - I need sleep. I need naps. I need breaks. So when I can focus on rest it makes all the difference.
Daily mental hygiene. I know when you hear the word “hygiene” you think of brushing your teeth, applying deodorant, taking a shower, or washing your hands: simple, daily practices to keep your body clean and healthy. But your mind can also benefit from daily “cleansing” practices as well. Mental hygiene is a daily practice of cleaning up the mental ”dirt” or “clutter” we pick up each day. Just like your home needs tidying each day from simply living in it or your body gets dirty from the effects of the day...your mental health can benefit from daily practices that help you hit reset. A few of my fave are also one’s I suggested previously like meditation, journaling, getting outside for a walk, moving my body, listening to a podcast or reading a book that empowers me.
Unplugging. IDK about you but when I start to spiral down in my mental health, I end up also spending way too much time scrolling. It’s like they go hand in hand. Esp bc I do a lot of my work thru social media, I have to really be honest when social is sending me into a spiral OR when I’m using it to numb out. Unplugging from my phone…like actually shutting it off…does wonders for me. I typically do this one day per week, but other things I do on the daily include time limits on my phone. Apps tend to be OFF from 8pm - 8am. Not sleeping with my phone in the bedroom. My phone goes to bed on it’s charger in my office every evening.
How DID YOU TELL YOUR HUSBAND/PEOPLE YOU LOVE?
This is honestly a GREAT question. When the voice telling me I wouldn’t be missed if I wasn’t around was kind of a constant, by that point, well…he probably already knew I wasn’t doing well. And the same might be true for the people around you. People can tell when something is off. So I just told him. With tears and all I let him know I wasn’t doing well. But here’s the thing…I didn’t tell my husband bc I needed him to fix me or for him to pave the way for fixing me. That’s not his job. I actually told him AFTER I had already called in an appointment to get back into therapy and speak to a psychiatrist. I told him once I knew I was getting help. And for the people I love…I told them as I got better what I had been struggling with and what I was doing to heal. Not everyone got a private conversation with me, too. I should point that out. Not everyone needs your explanation or the back story. Be mindful of the people who you allow into that space bc you want to protect yourself when you’re healing. This is a vulnerable place to be and not everyone will be able to meet you where you need to be met.
RESOURCES IF YOU’RE STRUGGLING OR KNOW SOMEONE WHO IS 🤍
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: If you or someone you know is in crisis or experiencing suicidal thoughts, call 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255) in the United States. They offer free and confidential support 24/7.
Crisis Text Line: Text "HOME" to 741741 to connect with a trained crisis counselor via text message. This service is available 24/7.
NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness): NAMI offers information, support, and resources for individuals and families affected by mental health conditions. Visit their website at www.nami.org to find local chapters and online communities.
MentalHealth.gov: This U.S. government website provides a wealth of information about mental health, treatment options, and where to find help.
Psychology Today: Their website has a directory of licensed therapists and mental health professionals. You can search for therapists in your area based on your specific needs.
BetterHelp: An online therapy platform that connects you with licensed therapists for virtual counseling sessions.
Headspace: A meditation and mindfulness app that can help reduce stress and anxiety through guided meditation and relaxation techniques.
Calm: Another popular mindfulness and meditation app with guided sessions for stress reduction and sleep improvement.
7 Cups: An online emotional support platform that offers free listener support as well as affordable online therapy with licensed professionals.
The Trevor Project: A crisis intervention and suicide prevention organization focused on LGBTQ+ youth. They offer a confidential hotline and online chat.
DBSA (Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance): Provides support groups and resources for individuals living with mood disorders.
SAMHSA (Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration): SAMHSA offers a national helpline at 1-800-662-HELP (1-800-662-4357) for substance abuse and mental health treatment referrals.
MoodGYM: An online self-help program that teaches cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) skills to help manage depression and anxiety.
MyStrength: An app offering mental health and wellness resources, including self-help tools, articles, and videos.
Therapist Directories: Websites like GoodTherapy, TherapyDen, and Find a Psychologist can help you find therapists and counselors in your area.
Local Support Groups: Search for local mental health support groups and organizations that may offer in-person or virtual meetings specific to your condition or needs.
It's essential (+ really freaking COURAGEOUS) to reach out to a mental health professional if you're struggling. I love getting to share in conversations like this and open up about mental health. And resources like the ones on this podcast and those listed in the show notes can provide valuable information and support, but nothing can replace the expertise of a trained therapist, counselor, or medication, if needed. Don't hesitate to seek help when you need it, and encourage others to do the same. You’re so worth it. 🤍
No matter where you are on your mental health journey, I hope you’re feeling inspired today and maybe a little less alone. I love moments like these where I get to welcome all of your questions and I am grateful for your curiosity.
Be sure to take a screen shot of today’s episode and share it on social. Let me know where you’re listening to this and what you needed to hear MOST today. I LOVE seeing what stands out to you each week and I love growing TOGETHER. I love you. I’m rooting for you. And I can’t wait to see you back here next time on The SELF CARE Sisterhood Podcast. 🖤🤟🏼
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