DITCH THE RESOLUTIONS: CREATING FOCUSED + INTENTIONAL GOALS FOR THE WHOLE YEAR, NOT JUST THE NEW YEAR 🪩🥂

Dec 6

In today’s post we’ll chat thru…

① The REAL problem with NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS.
② A different approach to GOAL SETTING
③ My 5 step process to swap the NEW YEAR approach for a WHOLE YEAR approach.

LET’S DIVE IN. 🖤

Hey Hey 👋🏼 Sisterhood and HAPPY DECEMBER!!! With the final month of the year upon us I know ONE THING is also quickly approaching….New Year's resolutions. You know the drill—promises made with the best intentions, only to fizzle out mid way thru January. Gosh…I don’t want it to be like that again this year. Ya feel me?

This year I want to help you ditch that resolution setting cycle and say hello to something more lasting a WHOLE YEAR approach vs a NEW YEAR approach. One where we get FOCUSED + INTENTIONAL on what matters most and then map that out into doable goals.

I like to picture it right now like we’re together with glasses of bubbles in hand and a whole lotta arts and crafts around us…like we’re ready to make the BEST vision board we’re ever made. Not the one that collects dust…but the one that’s authentic to our journey…the one we can take ACTUAL steps closer to or even surpass in 2024. No more unreachable expectations or setting ourselves up for a January burnout. I want this year to be DIFFERENT…like the one where you drew the line in the sand and made real. freaking. progress.

So today I wanna dive into why resolutions don’t really work and how we can flip the script. We're talking about crafting goals that resonate with our souls, that we can actually see through to completion without burning out along the way. This year it’s not about surviving; it's about THRIVING and making those goals not just happen, but happen in a way that feels freaking good. Amen? 🌟✨

The {real} Problem with Resolutions.

We've all been there—scribbling down resolutions in our brand new journal, making the vision board with all the perfect magazine/Pinterest-y cut outs, vowing to our friends that “this is the year I finally stick to my health goals.” But fast forward a few weeks, and where are we? Knee-deep in a bag of chips, Netflix on, and resolutions nowhere in sight. Why does this happen? Let’s break it down:

① THE GAP IS TOO BIG.

Resolutions have this sneaky way of turning us into visionaries, right? We dream big, and there's nothing wrong with that—unless those dreams are more fantasy than reality. You know, like planning to become a fitness goddess by hitting the gym at 5 am, 7 days a week, when the only thing we've lifted recently is the remote. If your big dream from the year is REALLY far from the reality of your life…I’m not telling you to come down from the dream…I’m simply saying you might be missing a few steps.

② THE WEIGHT OF UNMET GOALS IS HEAVY.

Resolutions tend to carry some baggage—a suitcase full of guilt + shame when we don't reach those goals. I’m sure you’ve been there before, right? When you feel like you’ve like let yourself down OVER and OVER again? It’s a vicious cycle and it’s truly why I don’t love resolutions. The goals we’re working towards should uplift us rather than weigh us down with guilt + shame.

③ JANUARY BURNOUT IS REAL YA’LL.

Let's talk about January burnout bc it’s REAL ya’ll. We kick off the year with so. much. enthusiasm and hope, only to crash and burn before we even hit February. The cycle repeats, and we're left wondering if the problem is US. Like maybe the resolution wasn’t for us or that we aren’t the type who can achieve (fill in the blank). Spoiler..it’s not you.

④ IT CAN FEEL LIKE ALL OR NOTHING.

Resolutions often throw us into the 'all or nothing' trap. We set these huge, life-altering goals, and if we stumble even a little, it feels like game over. We forget there’s this thing called life and that there will be an ebb and a flow to any journey we’re on…esp when goals are involved. It's like the whole Jillian Michaels saying about not slashing all the tires just because one went flat…IDK why, but resolutions make me wanna give up the whole trip.

So, what’s the missing link? Why do we get caught up in this look year after year and how can we do better going into 2024?

First off…it’s not YOU. There’s nothing wrong with YOU. The game is rigged. It’s designed for a sprint, not a marathon. It lacks the realness, the sustainability, the 'let's do this together' vibe. We're stuck in this cycle because traditional resolutions simply don’t work and yet that’s what we’re being marketed to do. We need a more holistic approach, a roadmap that considers our real lives, our messy moments, the days when adulting feels really hard, all the ups and downs and in-betweens that WILL happen in this next year. We need goals that light us up, not weigh us down…even when life isn’t perfect.

A DIFFERENT APPROACH…

Resolutions…bless their ambitious hearts…often feel like wishes thrown into the universe. And you know in this space I’m going to tell you that woo woo all by itself doesn’t make your goals come to life. You need the WORK. Goals are the GPS…guiding us and helping us see if we’ve gotten off course. They're like saying, "I'm not just wishing for it; I'm working for it, too." The secret sauce for me is not simply setting goals and calling it good. It’s living in such a way where I am less and less distracted and more and more FOCUSED + INTENTIONAL, not simply making a resolution bc it seems right or trendy or tugs at your deep rooted insecurities.

Goals zoom in on what truly matters…to YOU. In this moment. In this season. Not college you or comparison you. But who you desire to be and the way SHE has to show up as a result. The way I want you to set goals this year isn't just about checking off a to-do list; it's a full on mindset shift…a way of BEING - every goal you set taking you a step closer to the BEST version of yourself.

Focusing on what matters, with clear intentions, propels you forward. It's not about doing more; it's about doing what matters most.

And it's not just about what we want to achieve; it's about WHY. The focus gives you the what but the intention adds some depth to our goals, infusing them with purpose. It's like having a North Star guiding us through the year, reminding us of the 'why' when the 'what' gets tough…bc it will.

Adopting this goal-oriented mindset is a total lifestyle upgrade. Here’s the BENEFITS:

1. GIVES YOU CLARITY. When you don’t live with focus or intention you end up living for everyone else. And TBH that’s one of the scariest places to live for me…getting to the end of my days and realizing I didn’t actually do what I was called here to do. Goals create clarity. Period.

2. FUELS MOTIVATION. Resolutions can feel so lofty that we end up burning out before we can get close. But when you set goals in such a way that each benchmark is moving you closer to the end results…each small win becomes fuel for the next. You’re building motivation INTO your plan.

3. BUILDS RESILIENCE. Life throws curveballs. One of the main reasons we end up blowing our resolutions is bc of the proverbial “life” happening. When you can be ON JOURNEY and ride the ups and downs without throwing in the towel, you’ll build resilience for what you’re capable of.

4. KEEP US FOCUSED ON PROGRESS vs PERFECTION. Goals celebrate progress over perfection. It's about the journey, not just the destination.

SO HOW DO WE DITCH RESOLUTIONS?

Alright…this is where it gets good, ya’ll. But I’m gonna be real…in order to have different RESULTS, we need a different PROCESS. This might not be for you if you’re stuck in the quick fix, amazon prime, micro wave society results mindset. This is the SLOW GOOD STUFF. The stuff you come back to over and over again. It’s not a one and done drunken resolution. But I have a sneaking suspicion that if you’ve made it this far with me…you want some REAL CHANGE. So let’s get to it. I want to walk you thru 5 steps to building better goals for a fresh year. The best part is…this isn’t just an exercise you reserve for the top of a fresh year. The POWER is when you can come back to this process over and over and over again. You can literally DO these 5 things at any point in your journey…even if you start the year off strong and fizzle by January 15th.

1. PAUSE + REFLECT.

When I think about where we tend to “miss the mark” when it comes to New Years Resolutions I feel like it’s in how we START the process of going after our desires. There are a variety of reasons we set goals but so often we don’t even think about that. We just feel the tug on our heart to start something and we never pause to ask “WHY? Where is this coming from?”

There are a variety of reasons we set goals.

It could be the desire to improve. It could be due to frustration or dissatisfaction. Maybe you’re inspired from someone else. Or you could be forced into change due to something happening in your life/lifestyle or even a transition or life stage change, too. A goal could be set intrinsically bc you have a certain drive or extrinsically bc of peer pressure or societal norms. And goals could even be set out of FOMO. #75hard anyone? 😜

Basically I’m trying to say that often we don’t even really know if the goal is FOR us before we dive in and start pursuing it. Ever found yourself setting similar resolutions year after year? Reflection is how we break that cycle. It's about evolving, learning, and ensuring that history doesn't continue to repeat itself in a loop of unfulfilled resolutions. I love to start with REFLECTION because this helps me gauge what’s working in my life and maybe what’s not working so well so I can make changes that matter to ME and those I love most.

Here are a few prompts to get your wheels turning:

What brought you the most joy in the past year?
Think about a challenging moment. How did you navigate through it? What did you learn?
In moments of difficulty, what lessons did you uncover about yourself?
Reflect on a time you felt most alive and aligned with your purpose. What were you doing?

Reflection matters first friends. You know the phrase WASH, RINSE, REPEAT? That phrase has always felt a little “off” to me bc what happens when you keep repeating things that are not longer serving your best self? We need a moment to PAUSE + REFLECT. To make ADJUSTMENTS + COURSE CORRECT vs throw spaghetti at the wall and hope it sticks. Reflecting on these moments isn't dwelling on the past; it's gathering the tools we need for to make future decisions. It's about taking the lessons we’re learning and applying them to our next chapter.

2. SET GOALS THAT MATTER + PUT THEM IN YOUR FACE.

I know this sounds like a pretty “duh” step, but here’s the thing…I think so often when we come with the old resolution mindset we either 1.) keep them to ourselves or 2.) drunkenly share them with people who aren’t really paying attention. Just me?

In your reflection I hope you realized that not all goals matter to YOU. It's not just about achieving something for the sake of it; it's about aligning your aspirations with WHO YOU ARE + WHAT MATTERS TO YOU. Meaningful goals give your journey purpose and infuse each step with intention. So, let's talk about why this matters:

✨Intrinsic Motivation: Meaningful goals tap into your intrinsic motivation. They're the kind of goals that make your heart race a little + butterflies dance in your stomach, your eyes light up when you talk about them, and your soul whispers, "Yes, this is worth pursuing. Go."

✨Sustainable Commitment: When goals are personally significant, your commitment to them becomes resilient. It's not about fleeting resolutions but about dedicating yourself to a journey that resonates with your core values. The goals almost become a PIECE OF WHO YOU ARE and to not go after them anymore would mean you’d lose a piece of you.

✨Authentic Alignment: Meaningful goals align with your authentic self. They're not borrowed dreams or societal expectations; they're crafted from the raw materials of your passions, values, and aspirations.

But we can’t stop with setting meaningful goals that matter. We have to get them out of our head and INTO the world. There's a magic that happens when you not only think your goals but say them out loud. It's honestly an OWNERSHIP of what you say you’re gonna do and it takes GUTS + BOLDNESS to do this.

A few ways I love to get my goals OUT of my mind are:

💫 Vision Boards: Create a visual representation of your goals using images, quotes, and symbols. Place your vision board in a prominent place where you'll see it daily.

👯‍♀️ Accountability Buddies: Share your goals with a trusted friend or family member who can serve as your accountability buddy. Regular check-ins and mutual support keep you on track.

📓 Journaling/Writing: Write out your goals in a journal. Be detailed and specific. The act of putting pen to paper solidifies your commitment and helps clarify your intentions.

👀 Post-It Notes: Write down your goals on post-it notes and place them where you'll see them frequently—on your bathroom mirror, desk, or refrigerator.

Remember, the key is to make your goals visible and impossible to ignore. So often we drop off on our goals in the New Year bc we FORGET about them. Whether through visuals, verbal affirmations, or shared accountability, let your goals be an undeniable presence in your life. Let them be a daily reminder of the incredible journey you're on—a journey toward a year filled with purpose, growth, and the fulfillment of goals that truly matter to YOU.

3. MATCH YOUR ROUTINES + HABITS WITH THE GOALS YOU HAVE.

Alright, so we've defined + owned our goals and plastered them across vision boards + sticky notes. Now, let's talk about the secret sauce — matching your daily routines and habits with the visions you have for your life. Because, let's be real, goals aren't achieved through wishful thinking; they come to life through consistent, intentional action.

Consistency is the unsung hero of goal achievement and it’s quite honestly the SEXIEST word I know. This is why resolutions fail…bc consistency doesn’t mean 3 days, 3 weeks, or even 3 months. Consistency is lifelong. It's the daily commitment, the small steps taken repeatedly over time, that lead to the remarkable outcome. Consistency allows you to building momentum. It helps you form LASTING habits. And it’s helpful when you start to feel like procrastinating. Consistency is QUEEN in 2024, amen?

But I get it…HOW DO WE GET TO A PLACE WHERE WE ARE CONSISTENT? How do we weave our goals into the fabric of our daily lives?

Here are some tips to make consistency your BFF in 2024:

1. Start Small: Begin with small, manageable actions. It's easier to build consistency around tiny habits, creating a foundation for larger, more ambitious goals.

2. Make it a Part of Your Day to Day: Integrate your goals into daily rituals. Whether it's a morning routine, a work ritual, or an evening wind-down, you are allowed to BE THE PERSON who DOES THAT THING. Don’t overthink it. Permission granted to be the gym girl or the morning girl or the boundaries girl. You get to decide to BE THAT PERSON who DOES THAT THING.

3. Give it a Time: Assign specific times for goal-related activities. Whether it's a workout, a writing session, or dedicated time for learning, having designated slots enhances consistency.

4. Link Habits Together: Chain your habits. Link a new habit to an existing one. For instance, if your goal is to read a personal growth book each month, add it with your morning coffee routine.

5. Visual Reminders: Use visual cues to trigger action. If your goal is to stay hydrated, place a water bottle where you can't ignore it, acting as a constant reminder.

Remember, consistency is a journey, not a destination. Consistency isn't about perfection. It's about showing up, day after day, even when the road gets bumpy.

4. GET BACK UP WHEN YOU FALL + CLAP FOR YOURSELF WHEN YOU WIN.

The next part of creating focused and intentional goals for the WHOLE YEAR vs just the NEW YEAR is building resilience + learning how to be your best cheerleader along the way. Obstacles are part of the journey — unavoidable, unpredictable, and often challenging. But it’s when we actually NAVIGATE these setbacks vs throw in the towel that we build so much resilience. And that is NEEDED when you’re on any sort of meaningful journey.

They say the best time to build a shelter is when the sun is shining, right? So we don’t want to WAIT for the obstacle to hit to then prepare. We want to be READY FOR IT so it doesn’t throw us too far off course.

A few things you can most DEFINITELY plan for in the coming year:

Overwhelm. Simply setting goals and showing up to TRY can lead to overwhelm, causing a momentary loss of direction. This happens to all of us. Keep going.
Procrastination. It’s so sneaky this one…but procrastination 100% slows down your progress and will often leave you in a rut. Pay attention to those moments when you’re dragging your feet and aim to just START. Do the workout. Make the dinner you planned. Open up the spreadsheet to do the budget. Research the idea. Just start.
Self-Doubt. Doubting your capabilities is NORMAL friends. It’s your brains way of trying to keep you safe. But the space you were in wasn’t serving the next level of you so you’ve GOT to get out of that comfort zone. It’s NORMAL to doubt yourself bc you’re freaking DOING something you’ve never done before.
Comparison. The comparison trap is also quite sneaky bc it can start out as INSPIRATION and then lead to COMPARISON. It’s such a fine line and only YOU know when you’re dancing over it. Put the phone done…get back to YOUR goals and why they matter to YOU.

What you’ve gotta remember when these moments come - whether you’re overwhelmed by the distance between where you are + where you wanna be, dragging your feet, doubting yourself, or simply questioning if you have what it takes…is that the only way TO is THRU. If you want to get TO YOUR GOALS you have to GO THRU THE DISCOMFORT. The ups. The downs. The in-between, monotonous moments of chipping away. The only way TO your goals is THRU the reps. Get back up each and every time you fall. I always say “you can’t beat the person who never gives up.”

Aside from the inevitable lows, though, there WILL BE HIGHS. And TBH we don’t celebrate these enough, amen? This year I want you to weave CELEBRATION + CLAPPING FOR YOURSELF into your goals. You won’t always have those mountain top moments. Most of your day to day will seem like not much progress. So it’s CRUCIAL that we pause every now and again and celebrate the small steps we’re making along the way.

I have a funny story Charlie and I love to laugh about where we had started a New Year’s workout Resolution the year we were getting married. We had this big goal to “sweat for the wedding” and we were in it together. Well Monday was AMAZING. And Tuesday came around and I was so proud of us (me, really) that I bought a pair of leggings online. When Charlie got home from work I shared that with him and he looked at me all confused and said “You know it’s only Tuesday, right?”

We literally still laugh about that bc yep…it WAS only Tuesday. It was only day two of our “sweating for the wedding’ journey. And. I was celebrating. Celebrating small victories provides a motivational boost. It's like refueling your tank, ensuring you have the energy to continue the journey. It’s also a positive reinforcement and that strengthens your commitment. When you celebrate achievements, you reinforce the positive behaviors and habits contributing to your success so you ultimately want to do MORE of them, right? And it' builds confidence. Each accomplishment, no matter how minor, contributes to the WHOLE of what you’re truly capable of. And that builds confidence.

A couple ways I love to acknowledge my own progress:

Self-Acknowledgment
Treat Yo’ Self
Sharing My Wins
Journaling My Growth (a part of the WIN THE MORNING journal 😉)

Remember…setbacks are not roadblocks unless you choose to camp out. They are detours leading to growth and resilience. So, in 2024…let's get back up when we fall, clap for ourselves when we win, and celebrate each step of this remarkable journey we're on.

5. CHECK IN + ADJUST AS NECESSARY.

Okay last step…CHECK IN + ADJUST AS NECESSARY. Just like I said before I hate the idea of “WASH, RINSE, + REPEAT” if we continue to live life in loops that don’t serve us or move us forward. We have to pause + check in…and adjust. And the more and more you treat goal setting as a JOURNEY vs a thing you do at the new year, the more and more you will allow this piece to overlap with the REFLECTION right into setting and pursuing goals that matter to you.

Check ins become the pulse check…guiding whether the goal is for you or whether to pivot. Regular check-ins help you maintain focus on your goals. They serve as a reminder of your purpose and keep your intentions at the forefront of your mind. It also allows you to assess your progress objectively. It's an opportunity to celebrate victories, acknowledge challenges, and reflect on the lessons learned. And let’s be real…life is ever-changing, and so are you. Regular check-ins help us adapt to these changes rather than beat ourselves up that we aren’t the same as a past version of ourselves. This is where I remind you that you don’t need to fit in the same pants you had before you had a baby or run the race as fast as you did when you were much younger. You can. That’s cool. But you also don’t have to. I’m reminding myself this in real time….I’m simply not the same runner as I was in my 20’s as I’m nearing 40 and that’s okay. What is the REAL GOAL behind the action? For me it’s to be healthy - mind, body, and spirit. Not to win or feel significant based on a time stamp.

Your goals will SHIFT and that’s called EVOLVING. In our backwards world we think slower race times or bigger pants mean we’re going backwards but that’s not true. Regular check ins allow us to see what’s healthy and productive when pursuing goals and WHY that matters to US…in this season + time.

How to Check In and Adjust Your Goals:

Schedule Regular Reviews: Set specific times for goal reviews. Whether it's monthly, quarterly, or bi-annually, having designated checkpoints ensures consistent reflection. Just do me a solid and don’t wait until next New Year’s Eve, deal?
Reflect on Your Why: During check-ins, reconnect with the why behind your goals. Is your initial motivation still relevant, or has it evolved? Understanding your underlying motivations helps refine your goals.
Evaluate Progress: Evaluate your progress objectively. Celebrate achievements and identify areas that may require additional attention or a shift in strategy.
Assess Changing Priorities: Life is dynamic, and so are your priorities. Assess whether external factors or shifts in personal priorities necessitate adjustments to your goals.
Be Kind to Yourself: If you encounter setbacks or need to adjust your goals, be kind to yourself. Goal-setting is a fluid process, and adaptability is a strength, not a weakness.
Celebrate Adjustments: Embrace the idea that adjusting your goals is not a failure but a strategic decision. Celebrate your ability to course-correct and align your goals with your evolving self.

As we wrap up today I want to remind you that the journey you’re going to be on in 2024 is as valuable as the destination. I don’t want you to arrive a year from now focused ONLY on the outcome that you forgot to enjoy the moments in between. Reflect on this past year. Find the joys and the lessons. Lean into that and create goals that align with the direction of your desires. Share them. Make the vision board. Create the sweat meet up. Do the thing that’s going to keep you accountable. Find ways to BE THE PERSON who DOES THE THING YOU DESIRE TO DO. Match your habits + routines to your day to day life. Ask yourself often “is this what she would do?” Act as if. And then don’t forget that we all fall down. Keep going. Clap for yourself when you can. Remember that the only way TO is THRU. And then check in often all year long…and I’ll try to help you remember to do that right here in this space.

I love you so much and I’m rooting for ALL you’re dreaming up for 2024 and beyond. TAKE CARE OF YOU while you’re out there pursuing all that’s on your heart in 2024…SO THAT you can love and serve all those people, passions, and pivots from that place of overflow. I’m forever and always rooting for you. 🖤

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