why “SELF CARE” isn’t working 🧖🏾♀️🫧💅🏽
In this post we’ll chat thru…
① Why surface level SELF CARE hasn’t been working for you.
② My personal perspective on SELF CARE + WHY I believe it’s ESSENTIAL
③ The 8 Types of SELF CARE + how to USE THEM WHEN YOU NEED THEM.
Hey Hey SISTERHOOD!!! 👋🏼 Super pumped for today’s topic bc it’s one of my FAVE things to teach on, but quick little shameless plug before I dive in…
WE ARE HITTING 100 EPISODES TO WRAP UP 2024 AND IN CELEBRATION, I HAVE A GOAL TO HIT 100 5 STAR REVIEWS ON APPLE PODCASTS!!! The thing is, though, while I can create 100 episodes on my own, I can only create one review on my own. The other 99 have to come from YOU…this community that I love so much. If you haven’t left a 5 star and review over on Apple Podcasts, I would be so grateful for you to rally with me as we wrap up the year and push out our 100th episode in this space. Which I can’t even believe I’m saying! All you have to do is pause this episode (if you’re the type that won’t remember) and scroll down to the bottom of the show page where you’ll be able to tap 5 stars and leave a written review.
Okay…now to the good stuff…what ya’ll came for today - WHY SELF CARE ISN’T WORKING. I felt like we needed an episode where I got back to talking about self care and maybe chat thru why it hasn’t been working for you. Here me on this:
Maybe you’re the woman who decided you needed a bath. You fill it with some epsom salts or a fun bath bomb, light some candles, grab a new book, all the vibes, right? For a moment, everything feels okay. But as soon as you get out, your house is still a mess, the laundry is still piled up, the kids things are still everywhere…and the stress comes flooding back. The bath didn’t erase the overwhelm of your daily life—it was just a temporary escape.
Or maybe you’re the woman who thought a little Amazon haul would lift your spirits. Tell me you’ve been there before. You buy yourself something you’ve been eyeing, hoping it would make you feel better about a tough week. But when the thrill of that new thing wears off, you’re still stuck with the same financial stress, and now you feel even more guilty for overspending. Hi, me. 🙋🏼♀️
Okay or maybe you book a massage, thinking it would ease the tension in your body. For that hour, you feel amazing - relaxed and at peace - but as soon as the session ends, you check your phone and immediately you’re hit with emails, messages, and a never-ending to-do list. The weight on your shoulders returns as soon as you step back into reality.
Maybe you’re the woman who turned to Netflix for a break. You binged your favorite series to “check out” for a while, but when the show ends, the overwhelm and anxiety are still waiting for you. You feel more disconnected and guilty for not being productive, and the weight of your emotions still hasn’t been lifted.
Or maybe you’re the woman who thinks self-care is only about exercise. You hit the gym every morning, sweat it out, and push your body to its limits. You feel good physically, but deep down, you’re still emotionally drained, stressed at work, and craving connection in your relationships. The workout was great for your body, but it hasn’t addressed what’s really weighing you down.
These are just a few examples of how focusing on surface-level self-care can leave you feeling just as depleted as before. The pampering moments are nice, but they’re not enough to create lasting change. To truly feel cared for, you need to address the deeper aspects of self-care that touch every area of your life. And we’re gonna get to that, but first I just want to reiterate that when you start addressing the deeper needs, you’ll experience the kind of self-care that sustains you, not just in the moment, but in a way that transforms how you feel every day. And that’s truly what this space is all about. Creating a life you freaking love. Transforming into the best version of YOU. One day at a time. One choice at a time.
When we talk about SELF CARE like this, it truly comes down to the way we choose to live out our days. The choices we make moment by moment and making sure they align with our values and our vision.
I’m sure you've heard the phrase "you can't pour from an empty cup" before. And while that sounds good rolling off the tongue, by showing up and serving others in all your roles each and every day, I imagine we all naturally empty our cups day after day after day...leaving little room to be filled back up. Is this resonating? You wake up with amazing ambitions and want to give your day everything you have. But as the hours roll on, you have less and less to give. In my life this looked like ME always being placed on the back burner and that led to a vicious cycle of stress, burn out, and feeling resentful of the activities + people I loved most.
That's when I started asking a better question -
What if instead of filling your cup and then pouring out...what if you cultivated daily habits that filled your cup so much that it was OVERFLOWING?!
Think about it. If you simply "fill your cup," it will always be depleted by the end of the day with all you give and in all the ways you show up. But if your cup is overflowing to BEGIN with...YOU can then pour out to others from that EXTRA and remain FULL, too. So why do I think the way we’ve been talking about “self care” (when viewed as the pampering)…why is that not working?
✻ IT’S A TEMPORARY FIX - Pampering, like spa days or bubble baths, provides temporary relief but doesn't address the deeper emotional, mental, or physical issues. Real self-care requires building habits, behaviors, and routines that improve overall well-being, not just quick, feel-good moments.
✻ IT IGNORES THE ROOT CAUSE OF YOUR BURNOUT/STRESS - Often, pampering focuses on relaxation, but it doesn’t tackle the reasons you're feeling overwhelmed, like boundary issues, poor time management, or a lack of support. Without addressing these underlying causes, stress quickly returns.
✻ IT’S VIEWED AS A TREAT AND NOT A LIFESTYLE - Pampering is often framed as an occasional "treat" when you’re feeling stressed or burnt out, rather than a consistent and intentional lifestyle choice. Real self-care requires daily actions that prevent burnout before it happens rather than waiting until you're at the end of yourself.
✻ WE’RE CONFUSING CONSUMERISM WITH SELF CARE - Every time you open up your social you’re being marketed to, but buying more products or things doesn’t necessarily improve your well-being. Self-care should be more about habits that help you show up as your best self than about buying more stuff.
✻ WE OFTEN BELIEVE THAT SELF CARE MEANS ESCAPING FROM YOUR LIFE - Pampering often serves as a form of escape from daily life, but real self-care should empower you to build a life you freaking love. If the goal is to avoid the stress rather than manage it + take ownership over it, the stress will always return.
Alright…so now that we know it’s truly ESSENTIAL to care for ourselves and what’s wrong with the way we’ve been viewing self care… let’s dig in to the different types of self care and signs you might be in need of that particular form.
THE 8 TYPES OF SELF CARE
We often think of self care as all the physical, superficial stuff. And don’t get me wrong…I love my skin care routine. I’m all for a sweaty yoga class on a Saturday followed by vegging out and naps on the couch. I love a good bath bomb with a fun mocktail. But if this isn’t what you really NEED…if this is only the SURFACE LEVEL of the issue, then you’re basically putting a band aid on the problem vs getting to the root cause. We do self care a little (or maybe a lot) different in this space. Self care is what area YOU need to give attention to and more often than not, it’s usually not sexy. Real self care isn’t always sexy. Sometimes (most times) it’s taking radical responsibility in building a life you don’t need to escape from. Self-care can be something that is calming and relaxing. And it can also be a looming task that you've been putting off. Often times it's the areas we've been placing on the back burner that need focus. Therefore, it will not look the same for everyone AND it will not look the same day to day. It's about living with intention + focus so these habits of self care can be woven into your day and life.
SO WHAT ARE THE 8 TYPES OF SELF CARE?!
Mental/Emotional - cultivating + strengthening a healthy mindset through mindfulness and curiosity and also looking inward at your heart and the full range of emotions.
Professional/Vocational - creating fulfillment and compatibility with our work, career, and calling
Physical - taking care of your body with exercise, nutrition, good hygiene, and proper sleep
Environmental - taking care of the spaces and places around you and also taking inventory + ownership if a space or place no longer serves the season you are in
Spiritual - taking care of your soul through activities, practices, +/or communities that provide a sense of purpose, direction, and/or meaning to your life. this doesn’t have to be religious, but for some it is
Social / Relational - cultivating healthy relationships (intimate, friendships, + even as a parent) and connecting with people who get you
Recreational - getting back to your inner child with hobbies, fun activities, adventures, and new experiences.
Financial - taking care of the resources you’ve been given and developing a healthy relationship, mindset, + behaviors surrounding spending, saving, and stewarding money
MOVING BEYOND SURFACE LEVEL SELF CARE
So now that we know what the different areas of self care look like,I want to help you see what it might look or feel like if we’re in deep need of nurturing in that area…basically if you’re feeling depleted, right? Plus, I know we love a tangible idea we can practice after we hop of this episode, so I’m gonna give you some simple ways to go deeper in your self care and move beyond the band aid options. These are all things I’ve been working on over the last few years that have brought me out of constantly feeling burnt out, stressed, and overwhelmed with life. Let’s dig in.
MENTAL + EMOTIONAL SELF CARE
This type is all about cultivating a healthy mindset and tending to your emotional needs. Practices like journaling, meditation, therapy, and introspection help you develop emotional resilience. When you’re feeling anxious, overwhelmed, or stuck in negative thought patterns, mental and emotional self-care should be your go-to.
SIGNS YOU MIGHT BE IN NEED OF MENTAL/EMOTIONAL SELF CARE:
Constant Overwhelm: You feel mentally scattered or anxious and struggle to relax, even during downtime.
Negative Self-Talk: Your inner dialogue is harsh or critical, and you feel emotionally drained by your thoughts.
Suppressed Emotions: You avoid dealing with difficult emotions, pushing them aside instead of addressing them head-on.
Difficulty Focusing: You struggle to concentrate on tasks because your mind feels cluttered or weighed down with worries.
WHAT TO DO INSTEAD:
Instead of scrolling through social media to numb your mind, practice mindfulness by meditating or journaling to process your emotions and clear mental clutter.
Instead of pushing through feelings of anxiety or overwhelm, take a mental health day to rest, reflect, or talk to a therapist, honoring your need for emotional space.
Instead of suppressing difficult emotions, practice self-compassion by allowing yourself to feel and express your full range of emotions, without judgment.
PROFESSIONAL/VOCATIONAL SELF CARE
Feeling fulfilled in your work or calling is essential for long-term happiness. This type of self-care is about creating compatibility between your career and your life’s purpose. Whether it’s setting boundaries at work, pursuing new opportunities, or taking time off to reflect on your career path, professional self-care ensures that you’re not burning out in the pursuit of success.
SIGNS YOU MIGHT BE IN NEED OF PROFESSIONAL SELF CARE:
Burnout: You feel exhausted or disillusioned by your job, and the work no longer feels meaningful or fulfilling.
Work-Life Imbalance: You’re constantly working, with no time for personal activities, and you feel like your job is taking over your life.
Unfulfilled Career: You feel like you’re in the wrong job or career path but are afraid or unsure how to make a change.
Lack of Growth: You’re not learning or growing in your job, and you feel stuck or stagnant in your professional development.
WHAT TO DO INSTEAD:
Instead of overworking yourself to prove your worth, set boundaries around your time, allowing for work-life balance and respecting your personal needs.
Instead of staying in a job that drains you, assess whether your career aligns with your purpose and values. Consider making a shift or setting goals that bring you fulfillment.
Instead of working without breaks, schedule time for rest and reflection throughout your workday, ensuring you can maintain your energy and creativity.
PHYSICAL SELF CARE
It’s more than just working out; it’s about taking care of your body in ways that support your health and well-being. Regular exercise, balanced nutrition, good hygiene, and proper sleep all fall under this category. When your energy is low or your body feels neglected, this is where to focus your attention.
SIGNS YOU MIGHT BE IN NEED OF PHYSICAL SELF CARE:
Persistent Fatigue: You feel tired all the time, even after sleeping, and rely on caffeine or sugar to get through the day.
Neglecting Movement: You haven’t exercised in a while, and your body feels stiff, sluggish, or achy.
Skipping Meals: Your eating habits have become irregular, and you either forget to eat or rely on quick, unhealthy meals.
Ignoring Body Signals: You push through pain, stress, or exhaustion instead of resting when your body needs it.
WHAT TO DO INSTEAD:
Instead of only focusing on intense workouts, incorporate gentle movement like yoga, walking, or stretching to support your body when it needs rest.
Instead of grabbing fast food for convenience, plan and prepare nourishing meals that fuel your body with the nutrients it needs to feel its best.
Instead of ignoring exhaustion, prioritize sleep by creating a bedtime routine that allows you to wind down and get the restorative rest your body craves.
ENVIRONMENTAL SELF CARE
This next area is probably my favorite one to tend to bc it’s all about taking care of the spaces and places around you (like your home, office, classroom, car, social media feed, etc) but it’s ALSO about taking inventory + ownership if a space or place no longer serves the season you are in or the level you’ve grown to, so this can involve friend circles or even jobs you’ve outgrown.
I love using the example of how we typically nurture and care for a human as they grow. When parents are expecting a baby they prepare a room for it and make sure it has everything the baby needs to be well, but also to grow - a crib, books, soft materials + lights, a rocker, somewhere to change the baby. As the baby grows you remove the crib and swap it out for the big kid bed. The colors might brighten and we swap in new toys + tools that will help them develop. And eventually as they age you remove the “kiddie” decor and turn it into something a little more mature…something that probably matches their interests. Paths aren’t all the same, but in general, we go to college and our dorm rooms and apartments reflect that stage of life with new (and if you’re like me, cheap) kitchen ware, bedding, etc. We start adding in what we’re growing into. Then we graduate and move into our own places and usually at some point we just stop evolving our SPACES.
But one thing I know is that as I grow, my surroundings need to help nurture that level and support me as I grow into the next. Environmental self care is EVERYTHING.
SIGNS YOU MIGHT BE IN NEED OF ENVIRONMENTAL SELF CARE:
Cluttered Spaces: Your home or workspace is messy, and the disorganization makes you feel stressed or out of control.
Toxic Environments: You spend time in spaces (work, home, social settings) that drain your energy or make you feel uncomfortable.
No Personal Comforts: Your environment lacks any personal touches that bring you joy, comfort, or inspiration.
Feeling Trapped in a Space: You feel like your current environment no longer serves your needs or aligns with your growth, but you’re unsure how to change it.
WHAT TO DO INSTEAD:
Instead of living in a cluttered space, take time to declutter and organize your home so it feels peaceful and supportive to your mental well-being.
Instead of neglecting your surroundings, create spaces that inspire and energize you by adding comforting elements, like plants, artwork, or natural light.
Instead of ignoring toxic environments (whether work or personal), practice boundary-setting to protect your energy and choose spaces that nourish your growth.
SPIRITUAL SELF CARE
I always get a lot of push back for this area, but the truth is, spiritual self care is less about religion and it’s more about finding meaning and purpose through practices that feed your soul. You don’t have to share someone else’s faith to be in need of this. We are mind, body, AND SOUL. So this is wired innately in all of us. Whether that’s prayer, meditation, spending time in nature, or being part of a spiritual community. When you feel disconnected or lost, nurturing your spirit can provide direction.
SIGNS YOU MIGHT BE IN NEED OF SPIRITUAL SELF CARE:
Feeling Lost or Disconnected: You feel like something is missing in your life, and you’re disconnected from your sense of purpose or meaning.
No Time for Reflection: You don’t take time to reflect, pray, or engage in practices that help you feel grounded or connected to something bigger than yourself.
Questioning Values: You feel unsure about your values or beliefs and haven’t given yourself space to explore them.
Living Without Intention: Your days feel routine, and you don’t feel connected to any larger sense of purpose or direction.
WHAT TO DO INSTEAD:
Instead of feeling disconnected from yourself or the world, practice gratitude daily to help you reconnect with a sense of purpose and perspective.
Instead of neglecting your inner life, make time for reflection through prayer, meditation, or journaling to explore what gives your life meaning.
Instead of only relying on external validation, spend time exploring spiritual practices or communities that align with your values and offer deeper personal fulfillment.
SOCIAL / RELATIONAL SELF CARE
We thrive on connection, but relationships can also be draining if they’re not healthy. Social self-care is about nurturing the relationships that uplift you while setting boundaries with those that drain your energy. It’s about making time for the people who matter and creating a support system.
SIGNS YOU MIGHT BE IN NEED OF SOCIAL/RELATIONAL SELF CARE:
Loneliness: You feel isolated or disconnected from your friends, family, or community, even when you’re around people.
Surface-Level Connections: Your relationships feel shallow, and you crave deeper, more meaningful connections but haven’t made time for them.
Avoiding People: You avoid social interactions or isolate yourself because you feel drained by the idea of engaging with others.
Conflict with Loved Ones: There’s tension or conflict in your personal relationships that you haven’t addressed, leading to stress or frustration.
WHAT TO DO INSTEAD:
Instead of saying yes to every social obligation, learn to say no when you need rest or time for yourself, honoring your energy levels.
Instead of maintaining draining relationships, invest in healthy, supportive connections with people who uplift, encourage, and understand you.
Instead of neglecting time with loved ones, be intentional about quality time with those who matter most, deepening your connections and feeling more fulfilled.
RECREATIONAL SELF CARE
It’s easy to forget that play and leisure are essential parts of life. Recreational self-care is about tapping into your inner child through fun activities, hobbies, and new adventures. When life feels all work and no play, this is where you need to put your focus—find joy in exploration and creativity again.
SIGNS YOU MIGHT BE IN NEED OF RECREATIONAL SELF CARE:
No Hobbies or Play: You can’t remember the last time you did something purely for fun or joy, and your days feel monotonous.
Constant Busyness: Your schedule is packed with responsibilities, leaving no room for leisure, hobbies, or spontaneous adventures.
Feeling Bored: You feel bored or restless, like you’re in a rut and missing excitement or creativity in your life.
Guilt Around Relaxing: You feel guilty or unproductive when you try to relax or engage in fun activities, so you avoid them altogether.
WHAT TO DO INSTEAD:
Instead of spending your free time passively (e.g., binge-watching TV), explore creative hobbies that bring you joy, like reading, gardening, or cooking.
Instead of over-scheduling your life with to-dos, make room for playfulness and spontaneous adventures, reconnecting with your inner child.
Instead of putting fun off until the "work is done," prioritize regular fun and joy in your life—whether it’s a weekend hike, trying a new recipe, or exploring a new place.
FINANCIAL SELF CARE
Money is one of the biggest sources of stress, and taking care of your financial health is an act of self-care. Financial self-care means creating a budget, saving, investing wisely, and developing a healthy mindset around money. When your financial life feels chaotic, it’s hard to feel at peace.
SIGNS YOU MIGHT BE IN NEED OF FINANCIAL SELF CARE:
Avoiding Money: You feel stressed about your finances but avoid looking at your bank account, bills, or budgeting out of fear or anxiety.
Impulse Spending: You find yourself spending money impulsively to make yourself feel better or to relieve stress.
Living Paycheck to Paycheck: You’re struggling to save or manage your money, and you feel out of control or anxious about your financial future.
No Financial Goals: You lack clear financial goals or a plan for your money, leading to a feeling of aimlessness or insecurity.
WHAT TO DO INSTEAD:
Instead of impulse buying to feel better, create a spending plan that aligns with your values and long-term goals, giving you a sense of control over your finances.
Instead of avoiding money management, track your spending and savings, empowering yourself with knowledge about your financial health.
Instead of stressing about money, work with a financial advisor or use budgeting tools to help you make confident, informed decisions about your resources.
The reason self-care hasn’t been working for you isn’t because you’re doing it wrong or there’s something wrong with you — it’s truly because you’ve been led to believe it’s only about pampering yourself. If you got anything from today’s episode, I hope you see that real self-care is about consistently showing up for yourself in ways that matter most, even if it’s hard, uncomfortable, or you don’t feel like doing it.
When you start taking care of yourself in these deeper, more meaningful ways, you’ll notice that the surface-level self-care — like a spa day or a quiet moment with a cup of coffee —becomes even more fulfilling. You’ll be caring for yourself from a place where your mind, body, and soul are thriving, not simply surviving.
If you made it this far, I’m so grateful for you and don’t forget that I would LOVE if you could end this episode by scrolling down to the reviews section in Apple Podcasts and leave a 5 star review for the show. We are going to hit 100 episodes to end 2024 and I have a goal to have 100 5 star reviews to match. ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
I hope today’s conversation has left you with some ah-ha moments and opened your eyes to the areas of your life that might need some extra love and attention, beyond the surface-level practices we often associate with self-care. Remember, it’s about creating a life that nourishes you on every level, so you can show up as your best self—not just in the easy moments but in the hard ones, too. Take the time to reflect on what your mind, body, and spirit truly need, and don’t be afraid to make adjustments as you go. Self-care isn’t a one-size-fits-all solution—it’s a journey of continuous growth and self-discovery. Let’s keep filling our cups until they overflow, because that’s where real transformation begins. You’ve got this. I’m rooting for you. And I can’t wait to see you right here, next time, on The SELF CARE Sisterhood Podcast.
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