DITCH the "HAVE TO's" this holiday season 🍗🎁🪩

In today’s post we’ll chat thru…

① SNEAK PEEK into The SISTERHOOD Membership for WINTER 2024
② The TOP WAYS we feel we “HAVE TO” show up during the Holidays
③ Flipping your MINDSET from “HAVE TO” to “GET TO” + then owning your CHOICES.

LET’S DIVE IN. 🖤

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HEY HEY 👋🏼 SELF CARE SISTERHOOD community. Kicking off today’s post with a REMINDER that THIS FRIDAY (on Black Friday) is the launch of WINTER in The Sisterhood Membership.

We only open The Sisterhood Membership FOUR times a year and November 24th - Dec 3rd is THE FINAL TIME to join us in 2023 AND the only window to join us to KICK OFF 2024. If you want to be FIRST to JOIN US when enrollment opens on Friday, be sure to click on the link below so you’re part of my VIP mailing list.

This season is all about WINNING OUR MORNING -

Creating, Cultivating, and showing up to a morning routine that honors your best self.

DO ANY OF THESE SOUND LIKE YOU?! 👇🏼

▫️you know exactly how many times you can hit snooze to have “just enough time” to make it out the door to work

▫️your mornings look and feel chaotic, rushed, and anxious

▫️winning your morning looks like actually having enough time to shower AND eat breakfast

▫️you grab for your phone first thing when the alarm goes off and start scrolling social

▫️you wake up every morning already feeling tired for the day ahead

Here’s the deal. ZERO SHAME bc that was ME for. ev. er. I get it. But I also know I desperately wanted to have MORE peace, MORE purpose, and MORE intention to start my day.

IF THAT’S YOU, TOO, THEN THE SISTERHOOD MEMBERSHIP IS THE SPACE FOR YOU!

THIS SEASON I WILL GIVE YOU TOOLS + RESOURCES TO HELP YOU…

▫️set an alarm and actually wake up refreshed when it goes off

▫️feel less rushed and more peaceful in the first moments of the day

▫️take care of YOU first thing in the day with things that fill you up

▫️live your life vs watch + scroll others live theirs

▫️wake up excited for your routine + the day ahead

And even if you don’t coin yourself a “morning person” I know you’re gonna love this seasons topic bc winning your morning is a state of MIND…not a check list of things to do. It’s a lot of what you choose NOT to do, ya feel me?!

Anyways…enough of the shameless excited plug…let’s dive into today’s topic: DITCHING the “HAVE TO’s” this holiday season. 🖤🤟🏼

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The holiday season is HERE, ya’ll. Esp if you’re reading this in real time. For me that looks like Thanksgiving in all it’s food glory, the anticipation of Christmas (both in a spiritual way AND in a gift giving way), and the introspection + reflection of another year closer while anticipating + planning for a fresh year to begin. And I’m not sure what you specifically celebrate during this last part of the year, but I feel like regardless of the holiday, there are some universal truths we can all relate to.

Probably the most obvious one being that the shorter days crammed with all the extra people to see, parties to attend, bank accounts decreasing, stress increasing, gifts to buy, resolutions to make, etc can make us forget the true essence of the holidays…what it’s all FOR.

Have you ever found yourself running thru the list of “HAVE TO’S?”

Like… “Well…now I have to buy this person a gift because they bought me one" or "I have to show up at my parents AND my in laws in order to make everyone happy this season” or “I have to cook this elaborate meal otherwise I’ll look like I don’t care.”

And I get it. Activities + traditions that at ONE TIME brought you JOY + created amazing MEMORIES + felt ALIGNED in your life often become obligations that leave you stressed and overwhelmed.

Here are the TOP WAYS we tend to feel like we HAVE TO show up 👇🏼

• Gift-Giving

• Hosting Parties or Gatherings

• Decorating

• Participating in Traditions

• Cooking Elaborate Meals

• Attending Holiday Events

• Volunteering

• Traveling

• Sending the cards

• Family Expectations

• Over Extending Our Budgets

• Over-commiting

The blessings of the season can easily become burdens to carry.

And knowing this I wanted to give you a little TOOL to keep in your tool box this season. Listen to this on freaking REPEAT if you need to as the season continues on…

YOU HAVE PERMISSION TO “DO THE HOLIDAYS” IN WAYS THAT FEEL ALIGNED WITH YOUR LIFE.

I want to help you ditch the HAVE TO’s this holiday season and start to view everything as a choice. To take back some ownership and power over your choices and explore the idea of adopting a "GET TO” mindset. I promise that for someone out there…this is going to radically transform how + why you show up this season.

① REMEMBER THAT YOU HAVE A CHOICE.

The foundation of a "GET TO" mindset is recognizing that you have a choice. You are not bound by tradition, expectations, or obligations. Instead, you hold the power to decide how you want to celebrate and what you want to prioritize during the holidays and who you’d like to do that with…unapologetically. Understand that you can choose to participate in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment and on the flip…you have to OWN when you choose to put yourself in scenarios that stress you out or leave you feeling tired + overwhelmed.

If Elf on the Shelf is leaving you tired bc you’re not sleeping…maybe the elf needs a vacation this year. No seriously. Send the elf to a family members house who would love to show up and get creative and have them take pics every day. It takes the pressure off you and allows someone else a chance to join in the tradition.

Or if Aunt Sally is always criticizing you at Thanksgiving…you have a choice to speak up for yourself, not come to the dinner, tell Aunt Sally she isn’t invited if she can’t keep her comments to herself, or simply choose to not be offended anymore.

Part of choosing is remembering that you aren’t a victim and that you have agency and power. Just because someone, somewhere is doing “that” this holiday season doesn’t mean you have to as well. Choose what aligns with YOU.

② HONE IN ON What Matters MOST.

And that is the perfect segway to this. A huge piece of choice is actually knowing what matters most to you in this season. If creating traditions is important for your family as your littles are growing, maybe Christmas Day is reserved for just your home + intimate family. If a budget is the priority this season, then maybe not everyone is getting a gift this year and that’s okay. If you want to embrace togetherness this season, then maybe the parties are especially important but the elaborate meal is too much. It’s all good…turn them into potlucks + have everyone bring a dish.

YOU GET TO DECIDE. But it first matters that you know what matters + why.

Consider the traditions and activities that hold the most significance and focus your time and energy on them. Get “put up the Christmas lights” on your family’s calendar. Send the invites for Friendsgiving. Chip away at shopping now instead of waiting until the stores are packed and you’re on your way to your in-laws. Prioritizing what's truly important helps you create more meaningful and memorable experiences and reduces a whole lotta stress this time of year.

③ “THANK YOU FOR THE INVITE, BUT I CAN’T MAKE IT” IS A SENTENCE.

I know a lot of people would tell you right now that “NO” is a sentence. But that can feel harsh this time of year…esp if you really DO want to say yes but your calendar is just not allowing for it.

A little reminder. You don’t have to attend every. single. event. You can skip some and just enjoy Home Alone and pizza at home this Friday.

You are not obligated to attend every event or gathering you're invited to. It's perfectly acceptable to decline invitations that may stretch you too thin or conflict with your priorities. The phrase "Thank you for the invite, but I can't make it" is a powerful sentence that allows you to respectfully assert your choices and boundaries…plus it sounds way nicer than saying “NO.”

SIDE NOTE: You can also say this to your family. We actually are in a season where we have been NON STOP since May with selling our house, packing our house, buying a house, unpacking the house, hubs starting a new job, me getting adjusted to us both working from home, helping my mom sell my nana’s house, and just a lot of travel. I looked at Charlie at about the end of October and was like “babe I’m at my capacity.” It was then that we decided it was kind for US to spend the holidays in Florida laying roots and traditions in our new home. It wasn’t an easy conversation and it wasn’t like we didn’t WANT to go to his mom’s for Thanksgiving or my family for Christmas…but it was essential for our health + our wallets. We need this time to slow down in rhythm and in spending so we told our family I’m so sorry but we just need to stay home this year. And bonus. They totally understood.

④ REMIND YOURSELF OFTEN OF HOW YOU WANT THE SEASON TO FEEL.

I kinda love this tip, ya’ll. Because at the end of the holidays you aren’t gonna remember a whole lot EXCEPT for how it FELT, right? So what if we got ahead of that and started asking ourselves “HOW DO I WANT THIS TO FEEL?”

If it’s Friendsgiving at your place…how do you want it to feel? Light, easy, and a lot of laughs? Then set the environment for you to do so and then get rid of anything that won’t allow this to be. Including WHO you invite.

If it’s gift giving…how do you want it to feel? Like a connection made with someone else? Like joy on their face or surprise? Consider that when you’re making your purchases. And if it’s a purchase just to purchase and check off a box…maybe consider how that makes you feel.

If it’s decorating your house…how do you want it to feel? Like you’re in a competition with strangers on the internet for the best highlight reel? Or do you want it to feel like a warm hug each morning when you wake up and see the lights from your tree? And pro tip…I ask myself this too before I buy something bc I don’t want to just fall into consumerism for consumerism sake this season. I ask myself if something sparks joy. I hold it. I turn it around in my hand. I visualize when I’ll use it…where I’ll use you…how it will add to my home before just randomly throwing it in my cart.

All season long, remind yourself of how you want the season to feel. Visualize the atmosphere you desire….and do it OFTEN. Is it joy? Is it peace? Is it connection? Is it ease + rest? Know what you want to feel and take actions that align your choices (remember point number one) with how you want to feel.

⑤ LOOSEN YOUR GRIP.

Alright and last…tis the season for control freaks to unite, am I right? 😜 Not everything is going to go your way or seamlessly and that’s okay. Aunt Sally might not listen when you request she stop criticizing you. The turkey for your elaborate meal might be dry. There will most likely be traffic as you travel. And I can guarantee that the peaceful family photos you wanted to take for your Christmas cards will involve a meltdown or two from your toddler. It’s just life, friends.

And every single one of those can become a laughable memory.

When you heal enough that Aunt Sally no longer gets under your skin.
When you laugh about your dry-ass turkey with all of your friends and savor the sides instead.
When you crank the Christmas tunes while stuck in traffic.
When you use the melfdown picture for your child’s graduation collage years later (IDK…is that a frowned upon parenting practice?! 😜).

My point is this…don’t take it all so seriously. The older we get the easier it becomes to suck the fun out of things, right? And I know we don’t do this on purpose. We have so. many. pressures. as we grow up and grow in responsibility. And that pressure piles up. I get this. But part of ditching the “HAVE TO’S” this holiday season involves loosening your grip on how it’s “SUPPOSED TO” turn out.

Let go of the need for perfection and control. Loosen your grip on the idea that everything must go exactly as planned. Embrace the beautiful imperfections that come with the holidays. Remember that the magic of the season often lies in spontaneous moments, genuine connections, and the joy of simply being together. For me the magic is rooted in my faith…and my faith teaches me to love my Creator and to love others. If I’m so busy striving for perfection and the image I have as the best decorator on the block…it’s hard to love anyone else but myself. If I’m so busy being offended by Aunt Sally or traffic…it’s hard to love others in the same breath. If I’m so busy checking off boxes and making sure I do all the things for all the people…gosh…I’m probably so stressed that it makes it hard to pour any kind of love outward.

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This season I want you to focus on what you GET TO do. At the top I shared a list of various ways we feel like we “HAVE TO” show up. What if we turned that entire list into GET TO’S?

Gift-Giving: You GET TO be a cheerful giver. You GET TO have the choice to set your own budget and decide who you want to give gifts to.

Hosting Gatherings: You GET TO decide if you’re hosting a gathering and WHO you invite.

Decorating: Decorating your home for the holidays is a choice, and the extent of your decorations is entirely up to you. You can decide whether to go all out or keep it simple…and you GET TO decide how long you want the decorations to be up…no explanation necessary.

Participating in Traditions: You don't have to participate in every holiday tradition that comes your way. Choose the ones that are most meaningful to you and your family and let go of the rest. Part of growing up means creating traditions for YOU + YOUR TINY FAMILY.

Cooking Elaborate Meals: Preparing elaborate holiday meals can be a choice. You can opt for simpler recipes or even have a potluck-style meal to share the workload with family and friends.

Volunteering: While volunteering is AMAZING, it's also a choice. You can select the causes and organizations that are closest to your heart and give your time accordingly. Volunteering shouldn’t be a box to check off your list of good deeds, but rather comes from a posture of truly desiring to love + serve others.

Traveling: Traveling during the holidays is a choice. You can decide where you want to go and whether you want to stay close to home or venture to more distant destinations.

Sending the Cards: You can do this…or you can choose not to. And there are so many options these days for e-cards + social media posts so that you feel like you include “everyone.”

Family Expectations: Your family's expectations for the holidays are important, but you have the choice to discuss and negotiate these expectations to find a balance that works for everyone.

Over Extending the Budget: Financial stress during the holidays is a REAL THING. And it’s also a choice. Ease that stress by setting a budget for gifts, decorations, and other holiday expenses. It's a choice to decide what you can comfortably afford.

Overcommitting Yourself: Again. A choice. Be mindful not to overcommit yourself to multiple activities and responsibilities during the holiday season. Prioritize what's most important to you and say no thank you to what isn't…remembering that REST is also a part of this puzzle.

Remember that each of these areas is no longer a “HAVE TO” but a “GET TO” that you’re in control of choosing is everything and I can’t wait to see the positive impact it has on you this holiday season.

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ONE LAST THING BEFORE I GO…DON’T FORGET THAT ENROLLMENT FOR WINTER IN THE SISTERHOOD MEMBERSHIP OPENS THIS FRIDAY.

If you’re looking for ways to TAKE CARE OF YOU in 2024 so you can show up to love + serve those who matter most to you…then The Sisterhood Membership is for YOU.

A Quick recap if you’re newer around here…

The Self Care Sisterhood is a virtual self care community for hard working women who also want to include THEMSELVES on their to do list. The sisterhood’s mission is to provide tools, resources, and community that equip and empower you to take care of YOURSELF (mind, body, + spirit), so you can go out into the world and LOVE + SERVE from the overflow. Each season there is a topic centered on various themes surrounding ALL THINGS self care…and this winter it’s all about WINNING OUR MORNINGS.

I can’t WAIT to welcome you in. 🤍

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