Are you getting REAL REST? Here’s how to tell the difference and make your rest more restorative
In today’s post we’ll chat thru…
① What rest is NOT
② The DIFFERENCE between REAL REST vs FAKE REST
③ The 7 Types of Rest (+ how to tell what you need and what to do)
LET’S DIVE IN. 🖤
Hello, Hi, and Welcome back! I’m really pumped for today’s episode bc it’s honestly been something on my mind for a long. freaking. time. now.
Here’s the thing. Rest seems like it should be such a simple topic to chat about, right? Like get more sleep should be an easy answer to your never ending exhaustion. But…it’s truly not as simple as that. There’s so much more to rest than going to bed at a decent hour and sleeping and I can’t wait to really peel back the layers and give you a fresh perspective on real forms of rest and why maybe you haven’t truly been finding it lately. This is gonna be one of those mindset shift kinda chats. So let’s dig in.
WHAT REST IS NOT.
First I want to talk about what REST IS NOT so we can really understand how fully loaded this topic is.
REST IS NOT:
✻ Mindlessly Watching TV or Scrolling Through Social Media: While these activities may seem relaxing, they often keep your mind stimulated and don't provide genuine rest.
✻ Lazy or Unproductive: Rest is essential for your health and productivity. It’s a necessary part of maintaining your overall well-being. I love the quote that says “I don’t work so I can earn rest…I rest so I can do meaningful work.”
✻ Something You Have to Earn: Rest is a fundamental need, not a reward for hard work.
✻ Sleeping Only When You're Exhausted: Waiting until you're completely drained to sleep isn't effective rest.
✻ Always Doing Nothing: Rest can involve gentle, intentional activities that promote relaxation and recovery.
✻ Isolation: True rest often involves fulfilling social interactions and emotional support.
✻ One-Size-Fits-All: Rest looks different for everyone; what works for one person might not work for another.
✻ A Waste of Time: Taking time to rest is essential for maintaining overall health and productivity.
✻ Only About Physical Recovery: Rest encompasses mental, emotional, social, and spiritual recovery as well.
✻ Something to Feel Guilty About: Taking time to rest is crucial for your well-being and should be free of guilt.
What’s the DIFFERENCE BETWEEN REAL REST + FAKE REST?
Honestly, I thought I was resting and felt all kinds of guilt and shame surrounding things like naps, or breaks, or not getting my to-do list done for the day…but last fall I had this eye opening experience. We were doing the Bible Study “Present Over Perfect” in The Sisterhood Membership last fall as we studied “BURNOUT.” And in the book and study, the author, Shauna Niequest said something I couldn’t shake. Let me share it with you. She said -
“Fake resting is when the rest of your family is legitimately resting. They are watching TV, doing puzzles, they’re playing games on their phone; they are doing whatever they want to do. You look like you’re doing that, you’ve got your pajamas on, maybe a cup of coffee in your hand, it’s Saturday morning. But on the inside your internal engines are just a mile a minute. It looks like I’m resting, too. But I’m not. I’m ticking down an endless list, sometimes written, always mental, getting things back into their right spots, changing the laundry, wiping down the countertops…I fake-rested instead of real-rested, and then I found that I was real-tired. ”
Can you relate to any of this? I have a sneaking suspicion that, like me, you’re probably nodding your head thinking “yep…me, too.” And there lies the problem and something I’ve been wrestling with for almost a year now…how do we REALLY REST? I mean…I know what rest ISN’T. And I know how I’m SUPPOSED TO FEEL about rest, but gosh…knowing and doing are two completely different things, right?
At the beginning of the year, still super curious with this question, I threw a 40th birthday party where I brought women together from every season of my life for a little girls weekend. My goal was simple…to create a space where women could exhale for a second and go home better than I found them. A few months after that, my childhood bestie was inspired by that weekend and decided to throw a very similar birthday celebration…all with the intention to bring women together for a pause. And, ya’ll…new women…a new space…a new state…different circles of influence and lives lived…and I saw a similar pattern where women simply did NOT give themselves time or space to really rest, relax, refill, and rejuvenate themselves. In both scenarios I watched EXHAUSTED women crawl into a space, weary to the world, not ready to connect. And by the time we all said our goodbyes, I watched these same women a little more rejuvenated. Was it the yoga? Was it the conversation? Was it the food? Was it not having anyone needing them or grabbing for their attention? Was it the “me, too’s” and “you’re not alone’s?” Or was it a mixture of it all?
This is where I started as I began navigating what REAL REST looks like versus the FAKE REST I had (and have) been so used to doing.
SO LET’S TALK ABOUT THE 7 TYPES OF REST:
PHYSICAL
SOCIAL
CREATIVE
SENSORY
SPIRITUAL
EMOTIONAL
MENTAL
Looking at this list can feel daunting. I get that. It can feel like one more thing on your never ending to-do list. But I want to stress that most often what we see circulating that “looks like” rest and self care is actually being confused with pampering. As far as rest…we often think of sleep, a spa day, or a vacation. Basically hitting pause or stopping, right? And those things aren’t inherently wrong, they just might not be what your spirit and soul need. When we only equate rest to stopping, we’re setting ourselves up for failure bc you know as well as I do that there are seasons of life where there is no space to stop…where there is always something going on. What do you do in those moments? I feel like this is the zone where we are burning ourselves out, friends. At least I know that was true in my life.
A vacation might give us a temporary space to relax. But I want you to think of it like this - if a patient goes to the ER with a wound, the doctor could easily stop the bleeding and send them home. But they only treated the bleeding, they didn’t bother to figure out what was causing it…so the bleeding may continue bc the root cause of it was not taken care of.
Rest (and truly how we view self care in this space) isn’t about stopping or escaping. It’s about finding a deficit and pouring back into it to get things on a healthy level.
Instead of binging Netflix to escape or planning that girls’ weekend (which are totally fine options and acceptable at times, sure…but aren’t the only answer), I want to instead nudge you to consider how you can sprinkle rest throughout your day to day in small, meaningful ways. Yes it takes intention. Yes it take paying attention to what you need. And YES…I promise you these small things will make the BIGGEST DIFFERENCE.
I know you love a solid example, so I’m going to walk thru the 7 different types and give a few ideas to get your wheels turning.
PHYSICAL REST 😴
Physical rest involves activities that allow your body to recover and rejuvenate. This can be both passive (like sleeping or napping) and active (think gentle movement like stretching or yoga). You might be in need of physical rest if -
You feel constantly fatigued or exhausted.
You experience frequent muscle aches or tension.
You have difficulty falling or staying asleep.
You find it hard to stay awake or alert during the day.
Some ideas for physical rest include:
Getting 7-9 hours of quality sleep each night.
Taking short naps during the day.
Engaging in gentle exercises like stretching, yoga, or walking.
Incorporating relaxation techniques such as deep breathing or progressive muscle relaxation.
SOCIAL REST 👯♀️
Social rest involves engaging in fulfilling social interactions and setting boundaries to avoid draining social activities. It’s when you’re surrounded by people who need nothing from you and fill you up. Energy givers rather than energy drainers, you feel me? You might be in need of social rest if -
You feel lonely or isolated.
You feel drained after social interactions.
You avoid social gatherings because they seem overwhelming.
You feel a lack of meaningful connections in your life.
Some ideas for SOCIAL rest include:
Spending quality time with friends or loved ones who uplift and energize you.
Scheduling regular catch-ups with close friends or family.
Setting boundaries to limit time with people who drain your energy.
Joining a club or group that shares your interests.
CREATIVE REST 🩰
Creative rest involves activities that inspire and stimulate your creativity, such as engaging in play, appreciating beauty, or immersing yourself in nature. This is different than creating something, it’s basking in it. You might be in need of creative rest if -
You feel stuck in a rut or lack inspiration.
You struggle to come up with new ideas.
You feel creatively drained or burned out.
You find it difficult to appreciate beauty or enjoy creative activities.
Some ideas for CREATIVE rest include:
Visiting an art gallery or museum.
Spending time in nature, such as hiking or visiting a park.
Engaging in creative hobbies like painting, writing, or playing music.
Allowing yourself to play and have fun without a specific goal.
SENSORY REST 📲
Sensory rest involves reducing sensory input to allow your senses to recover from constant stimulation. Think of your five senses, right? You might be in need of sensory rest if -
You feel overwhelmed by noise, lights, or other sensory stimuli.
You experience frequent headaches or eye strain.
You find it hard to concentrate in noisy or busy environments.
You feel irritated or anxious after spending too much time on screens.
Some ideas for SENSORY rest include:
Taking breaks from screens and devices.
Spending time in a quiet, dimly lit environment.
Practicing mindfulness or meditation to reduce sensory overload.
Enjoying silence or soft, calming sounds.
SPIRITUAL REST ✌🏼
Spiritual rest involves engaging in activities that provide a sense of purpose, belonging, and connection to something greater than yourself. Often we think of religion when we talk about spirituality and for this example, I want you to consider relationship with your faith over religion and how it helps you feel loved and connected to a higher purpose. You might be in need of spiritual rest if -
You feel disconnected from your sense of purpose or values.
You experience a lack of fulfillment or meaning in your daily life.
You feel isolated or disconnected from a sense of community.
You struggle to find motivation or direction.
Some ideas for SPiritual rest include:
Getting connected to a religious or spiritual community like church or temple.
Practicing meditation or prayer.
Volunteering for a cause you believe in.
Reflecting on your values and aligning your actions with them.
EMOTIONAL REST 🤍
Emotional rest involves allowing yourself to authentically express your feelings and seeking support when needed. You might be in need of emotional rest if -
You feel emotionally drained or overwhelmed.
You find it difficult to express your emotions.
You feel isolated or unsupported.
You experience frequent mood swings or have a hard time controlling big emotions.
Some ideas for emotional rest include:
Sharing your feelings with a trusted friend or therapist.
Journaling about your emotions and experiences (shameless plug for the Win The Morning Journal on Amazon…my personal fave 😉)
Setting healthy boundaries to protect your emotional well-being.
Practicing self-compassion and self-acceptance.
MENTAL REST 💭
Mental rest involves taking breaks to clear your mind and reduce cognitive overload. You might be in need of mental rest if -
You have difficulty concentrating or making decisions.
You feel mentally exhausted or burned out.
You experience racing thoughts or a busy mind.
You find it hard to relax or switch off from work or other responsibilities.
Some ideas for mental rest include:
Taking regular microbreaks during work or study sessions.
Practicing mindfulness or meditation to calm your mind.
Engaging in activities that allow your mind to relax, like reading a book or taking a walk.
Setting boundaries to limit mental clutter, such as turning off notifications or delegating tasks.
I want to wrap this up by giving you a couple action steps to follow if you feel like a million light bulbs just went off. These steps are geared toward helping you make rest a woven piece of your day to day life. Instead of something you turn to when you’re fully empty. Burnt Out. Overwhelmed. There’s a better way and it’s a rhythm I’m practicing in my own life, too. So let’s try it together.
HOW DO I KNOW WHAT REST I NEED?
One of the biggest misconceptions is that you need to tackle EVERY SINGLE AREA of rest in order to fully be rested. This is not true. It’s like a domino effect. If you can identify the ONE AREA that has been exhausting you the most…where you have not poured back INTO yourself…you can then start to see how your rejuvenation will pour out into all of the other areas. The one that is most deficient is the one that is exhausting you the most. Once you fix the area of your greatest depletion you can begin to have the energy to then look at the other areas. So yes…you do need all 7, but you don’t need to tackle them all at once.
First be honest and ask yourself - WHAT DO I NEED? It’s such a simple question, but it has a powerful effect if you can get honest with yourself. Maybe it’s having your husband put the kiddos to bed so you can shower and emotionally unwind. Maybe it’s planning a plant and sip night with girl friends. Maybe it’s turning on praise and worship music on your commute to or from work. Maybe it’s taking a walk outdoors or sitting on the back patio with no device in hand. Maybe it is a massage if you’ve been feeling tense lately or a steamy yoga class. Ask yourself WHAT DO I NEED and then be LOVING ENOUGH to give yourself that thing.
And…if it’s hard to decide or pinpoint exactly what you need, you can ask yourself - WHEN DO I FEEL BETTER? What moments LEAVE YOU more restored than they found you? What is happening on the days you get so much done and feel great vs the days you get nothing done and feel like crap? Some of the most restful days of my life are when I kick it off with a workout and a morning routine. I might be tired while I’m doing this, but I feel so much BETTER bc of the activity. I also know bc I work mostly on social media, my phone, and laptop…I feel my best when my phone is far far away. Unplugging fully once a week for an entire day. Not scrolling as a post work ritual or when I’m bored/feeling not so creative. And turning off all notifications as well as going into bedtime mode at about 7pm. These are all things I know help me FEEL BETTER so they are clues when I am feeling overstimulated and need a little sensory rest. Figure out what YOU ARE DOING when you FEEL YOUR BEST and find ways to give yourself those sprinkles (+ truly, BOUNDARIES) throughout the day.
And last. When I deep dove into this topic I certainly did NOT come up with these seven forms of rest. I did my research and found an amazing author and physician, Dr Saundra Dalton-Smith, who wrote the book “Sacred Rest.” In the book she deep dives into these forms of rest so it’s a great jumping off point if today’s episode spoke to you. But even smaller than that, and a great place to start, she has a quiz that will help you pinpoint what areas you need rest in so you can start to give your body, mind, and spirit exactly what it needs…instead of fake resting, right? I’m going to drop the link to the quiz below in the show notes or you can follow her on Instagram @drdaltonsmith and she has the REST QUIZ link in her profile.
Okay friends. Staying busy is easy. And it’s seriously so overused. Staying well rested enough to do the things that you’ve been called and created to do? Now that’s a challenge, right? And it’s one I’m embarking on and I hope you’ll join me. If you are vibing with today’s episode I love hearing about it and seeing where you’re taking me as we grow together. Take a pic of where you’re listening, what you loved, and tag me @inspirebeautybritt so we can connect more on the topic. I love you. I’m rooting for you. And I’ll see you right here next week on The SELF CARE Sisterhood Podcast. 🖤
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